The Power of Words...

I subscribe to one of those "Word a Day" websites. I know, a little nerdy and strange, right?

I guess one could articulate that I attempt to personify a highly educated academician who breaches linguistic frontiers with each locution, and still it gives me a sense of ostentatious flagrancy that I cannot bring myself to propitiate.

Or...in other words...One could argue that I like to talk like I'm wearin' my big girl panties and I don't give a rat's ass if you like it or not!

You see, to me, although I am somewhat educated, I could not talk like that. For one thing, it wouldn't be as fun because I couldn't use colloquialisms like "rat's ass" or "big girl panties" to express myself, but moreover, I am just not fluent in such verbiage.

People have argued that the "American-English" is a bastardized version of the "British-English" that is spoken today. But I would argue that their "British-English" is just as debased as ours. Being a Literature major in college, I fell in love with the Victorian classics. It was a combination of their proper vernacular along with their etiquette and pomp and circumstance that has been long thrown by the wayside. Back in the day, your words could make or break you within a social circle. You could ruin your reputation (which was worth more than your bank account) with the slightest indiscretion. Back then the pen truly was mightier than the sword!

And as I receive my daily online submissions, it makes me realize that so much of it has been lost. Gone are the days of proper etiquette and respectable discourse and frankly, it is a shame. I am not sure if it is because of an inadequate and lackadaisical educational system here in the USA, which is consequently making us stupider or just pure human laziness!

I worked as a professional nanny for almost a decade of my life, and during that time I worked for a family from South Africa. They speak the more proper "British English" and the differences in everyday words became a bit of a game. We laughed and giggled over the difference of a peach "pit" or peach "stone" or when the mother kindly asked me to grab the "pram" out of the "boot". Needless to say, I looked at her like she was speaking a foreign language and subsequently I got a crash course in the difference between American English and British English! (Oh, and by the way, she was asking me to get the stroller out of the trunk of the car!)

I also learned that within British English there are also distinctions between "high" English and "low" English, and this is closely connected with one's class or social position. But then we also have something similar here in America. Our slang words which have entirely taken over the proper language like "cell phone" instead of "cellular phone" or a "gas" station rather than "petroleum" or "fuel" station, which they were more commonly known as many years back (those are poor examples, but you get my point). And then there is Ebonics...don't even get me started on that!!

All of this leads me to my point (I do have one I promise)...we are all speaking the same language whether you are speaking "proper" British English or American English, high English or low English, Ebonics or just plain slang - and it doesn't really matter. Does it make you a better person to say things like "personify" instead of "act like" or "articulate" instead of "to say"? Are you anymore educated, intelligent, or higher class if you used the latter? Or is it purely a passive and somewhat neglectful attitude toward the pomp and ceremony that was once previously of the highest importance when speaking one's true vernacular?

It all seems a bit preposterous and ignorant to suggest such flawed logic. But then why have I spent an evening composing this blog post? It seems it does matter, to me at least. And everyday that I get one of those words that I have never heard and I read the definition, I put it away in my mental Rolodex never to be exercised, because I am not expected or even welcome to use it and if I did, it would only produce a negative response. Or should I say...I should make an objurgation if someone were to make a kerfuffle, with their top-lofty attitude about my irrefragable vocabulary to adumbrate my superior percipience! Just kidding.

Wishing you all a happy and healthy day!!

Here are some fun words for you:
British=American
biscuit=cookie
pram=stroller
boot=trunk
holiday=vacation
bobby=policeman
shag= (our infamous four lettered "F" word for "to fornicate")
fanny= (our infamous four lettered "C" word for "vagina")
rubbish=garbage
lift=elevator
knickers=panties
Father Christmas=Santa Claus
football=soccer
fag= cigarette
fringe=bangs (hair)
garden=yard
standing in the queue=standing in line
hoover=vacuum
Joe Bloggs=John Doe
accumulator=battery
bonnet=hood (of a car)
Chemist shop=pharmacy
sweeties=candies
Casualty Department=Emergency Room
costume=swimsuit
crisps=potato chips
dinner jacket=tuxedo
driving wheel=steering wheel
dummy=pacifier
Tube=Subway
zebra crossing=crosswalk

Long Time Gone....

This is the third draft of this post as it seems I can't get it quite right. I realized that I have not posted since mid June. Why, you may be asking yourself? Basically I have not been doing well (physically or mentally) and each attempt at a new post was wrought with dark and negative postulations. That is not only highly unproductive, but also quite boring and somewhat annoying.

There is, however, a reason. Perhaps not a good reason, mind you, but a reason none the less and it is called Rheumatoid Arthritis and the hell that I call my life.

You see, as of late, (since I was released from the hospital at the beginning of June) I have had some serious stomach issues which I thought were due to the salmonella poisoning that I had, but alas, I was wrong (again). I actually don't know what is causing my gastric issues, but in a nut shell, I cannot eat and when I do, I do not eat much, which has resulted in a 40 pound weight loss.

Now that would seem like a good thing, right?

Wrong.

Even though I always welcome a little weight loss, losing that amount of weight in such a short amount of time can be very disconcerting. I know it is mostly contributed to the fact that I seem to be incapable of eating and am basically starving myself. No matter how unintentional it may be, the fact remains that my body had gone into starvation mode. Bad. Very bad.

I have gone to my doctor to discuss my concerns and she thinks that it is the long-term antibiotics I have been taking for my broken hip nightmare that I have been dealing with for over a year. Yes, my friends, I am not exaggerating that fact, it has been over a year since my initial hip pinning surgery and I am no better today than I was then. Actually, one could argue that I am fairing far worse than before my surgery.

Allow me to explain.

Before this nightmare started, Yes, I was in pain, but still able to walk (er, well limp). I was still able to drive (for the most part), and still able to have a social life. Today, however, I cannot drive. I cannot leave my home unless someone drives me. I am on crutches and cannot walk on my leg. I have a hole in my leg where my incision was and because of a post-op infection, it is still the size of a silver dollar nine months after it was created! I guess I should be grateful because it was once the size of a large grapefruit and a male nurse was able to put his fist inside my right thigh. Oh and by the by, as I sit and wait for my wound to heal, so they can go back in and give me a total hip replacement and essentially start from square one, I am missing out on life! Fun stuff.

I guess I should not complain. I mean, I understand that my situation could be much worse. I could be permanently disfigured or have lost a limb. Or even perhaps be dead. I get it! But I can't help but get irritated when thing after thing continues to go wrong. I just can't catch a break. (No pun intended!) Seriously though, sometimes I feel like I am "pissing against the wind" as my grandmother used to say when something was futile.

For the most part, I essentially try and keep a positive attitude and sense of humor, but I fear both are fading faster than a sailor's tattoo! My family especially has noticed the change in my overall attitude and disposition; not quite as saucy and sweet! I apologize and feel guilty and hope that one day soon I will wake from this nightmare and I can go back to MY so called life. Take THAT, Claire Danes!

So alas, as I sit here in my recliner (the only chair in the house that does not make my ass ache) and type this posting for the third time, I hope that you are still reading because there is one truly important point that I wish you to take away from all of this: remember that every day is a gift. It doesn't matter if sometimes it doesn't fit the way in which you would like. It matters none that you may want to return it. All that truly matters is that no matter how shitty your life is, you have to believe that it will one day get better. Maybe tomorrow or maybe six months from now, but you have to believe that it will eventually get better.

I promise to try and keep up with my posting. Also, I will try and change my overall tone and attitude so it doesn't appear that I am using this as a pulpit for my personal bitch-fest. I will attempt this...I promise. Therefore, I leave you now with the wise words of one George Micheal...."I gotta have Faith, Faith, Faith!"

Wishing you all good health, humor, and of course....faith!

Life's a Bitch...and I hope to be too!

Because this blog is titled "Living With Rheumatoid Arthritis," from time to time, I do have to address some issues with this disease. Therefore there are a few topics I wanted to cover today.

First and foremost, I am home from the hospital. Yep folks, you heard me, HOME. I was admitted to the hospital last Thursday because I had uncontrollable vomiting and diarrhea. I was severely dehydrated to the point that I was unable to hobble (with the assistance of my crutches) 20 feet from the front room of the house to the car, for my family to take me to the emergency room. I therefore was honored with the presence of the local fire department and paramedics who took me to the hospital via ambulance.

It was so unbelievably fun. Not.

I was really sick this last week. I have never in my life experienced that level of illness. I really truly knew something was seriously wrong. I was in critical condition from Thursday until Saturday evening when they downgraded me. The official diagnosis (as I will not inflict the gory details upon you of what really transpired during my stay) was C-Dif, Septic Shock, and Salmonella Poisoning. I guess one could say that I was near death when I arrived at the ER. You know how people always over exaggerate when they talk about being sick..."I was so sick, I thought I was going to die!" Well, I really DID think I was going to die, at least I did as I drifted in a out of consciousness. The whole experience is one that I wish to never repeat.

There are some funny anecdotes that I could tell you though, but those are for another time. They are not the point of this post. I am getting there...do not fear.

I also wanted to impart some personal history about me. Growing up I had two best friends in grade school. I lost one of my best friends when I was 14 years old. She was killed in an accidental shooting and it changed and altered my life so many ways. I struggled with her loss for several years. When I was 18 my other best friend was in a horrific car accident and was almost killed but escaped death only to become a paraplegic. For 10 years she lived from the confines of a wheelchair but she went on to go to college and get a degree in teaching. She was never able to use that degree however. She died less than 10 years later due to complications of the injuries she sustained in the accident.

How does this all connect?? Hang on, I am still getting there.

Once I returned home I was on Facebook, checking all the messages and emails I had from my wonderful friends and family, who were all concerned, and I came across a post from one of the Bloggers out there who I follow (The Single Gal's Guide to Rheumatoid Arthritis). She had posted a comment about a death of a fellow blogger called RA Superbitch.

Superbitch wrote an edgy and what I would consider REAL account of what happens to people when they have RA. She talked about the awful nasty things people say to you, when they think they are being helpful but they are actually being hurtful. She wrote about the difficulties of coming to terms with being in your thirties and highly educated only to find yourself becoming a disabled citizen, and all that entails. She bitches about the nasty and frustrating daily shit that we, those who are inflicted with this devil disease, have to deal with on a daily basis, all the while "keeping a stiff upper lip" and with a smile on our faces, no matter how much we want to crawl under the covers and shut out the entire world.

RA Superbitch was my alter-ego and soul-mate because I swear, she was me. I learned through her blog that I am not alone with many of the negative thoughts and feelings that we are not supposed to have or feel. She verbalized my anger, my frustrations, and a little of my sense of humor. She was amazingly brave and brazen. I respected her and I wished I could have had her courage to be so honest.

And now she is gone. All because of this Goddamned disease.

I do not know the specifics of how she died exactly, but if you read her blog, you would know that she had been recently having many (too many to count really) complications with her rheumatoid arthritis. She was really struggling and it looks like she lost her battle. She was married and had a small son. She used to be a professor at a local college. She used to be surrounded by friends and family and she had a wonderful life. And it is all gone because of RA.

So what is the point?

The point I am trying to make is this: all of this made me think, a dangerous activity I know, but this is what I came up with:

What if it had been me?

What if I were that blogger people were talking about who had lost her battle with RA and left this world WAY before her time?

What if I was the one who was being buried this week?

I know this seems morbid, but there are just too many similarities here for me not to notice the coincidence. It is kind of scary to think that I may have been the one who had died due to complications.

What this all boils down to is this: life is precious. We never know when we are going to leave this world. We have no control of how long or short our lives will be. We are simply along for the ride, and when it's over, it's over. I know that must seem so cliche but it is the truth. I lost my two childhood friends, RA Superbitch died at the early age of 39, basically, we never will know when it is our time, except when the chariot has arrived and our soul is leaving us. And it seems so unfair.

Things like this really make me start to question my beliefs. My belief in God, my belief in heaven and hell. Everything comes into question. But the biggest question is why? What is the point? Why do some people die WAY before their time? How is that fair? I can honestly tell you that I do not have the answers. These are questions I have grappled with for years now, and I still don't know the answers.

All I have is my faith.

I have faith that there IS a God, and that He isn't actually a sadistic prick that I sometimes think he can be. I have faith that I will one day get answers to all my questions and it will satisfy me. I have faith that when I meet my Maker that I will be able to be worthy of Him and his blessings. It is hard though.

I struggle on a daily basis, especially on my bad days when I am in so much pain, that I want is for it all to just be over. I struggle with the question: what did I ever do to deserve this?? Why are there bad people out there who get by scot free with no death, disease, or destruction in their lives and someone like me, who has led a fairly good, honest life has to deal with so much? WHY???

All I know is I believe. I may have no proof that there is a God or not. But I talk to him all the same. I still ask him for courage and strength. I still ask him for guidance and enlightenment. I am not sure if he hears me, but I still talk. I still ask. I still believe.

I guess when the bad things in life happen, that is really all we can do. So here's to you RA Superbitch! You leave a significant void in this world, and I will try my damnedest to help fill it. I will, in your memory, carry on with your brashness and honesty to help educate the world about the daily dealings of being a rheumatoid arthritis sufferer. Thanks RA Superbitch; I am honored to call myself as such. I did, after all, learn from the biggest bitch of them all!

Wishing you all a happy and healthy day!

The power of Nemo...

I woke up this morning with a song in my head. Well, not actually a song, per say, but rather a little jingle, a ditty from a children's movie.

You see, recently I have found myself trying to lift my own spirits. I have been really bummed. Needless to say, the realization that it will be one year in a little over a month since I had my first surgery and I am no where near healed or finished with this whole nightmare, well, it makes me sad.

or Pull out my hair.

Basically...it makes me want to cry.

BUT...I find myself in this state of defeat, I remember the Disney classic, "Finding Nemo." LOVE THAT MOVIE!! Who doesn't? Anyone who does not appreciate all the wonderful lessons and humor from this great animation is crazy. It is pure goodness.

There is one scene in particular that I remind myself of when I get down.



Leave it to a little blue ocean fish with short-term memory loss and the best advice on the block (or the anemone that is)! Dory's advice is when life gets you down, to "just keep swimming!" Simple advice, I know. And not to be taken literally, unless of course you are in a pool or bobbing out in the ocean. But this simple message telling you that when things suck in your life (which mine really do) you have to just keep going no matter how SUCK they continue to be...eventually it will get better.

So next time you find yourself down or feeling a little defeated, just remember what Dory has to say about that...

"Hey Mr Grump Gills
You know what you gotta do when life gets you down?
Just keep swimming
Just keep swimming
Just keep swimming swimming swimming
What do we do we swim, swim, swim"

Thanks Dory, I needed that!

Wishing you all good health and humor!

BTW...Click here if you are interested in purchasing "Finding Nemo." It is truly one of Disney's best films.

BOOK REVIEW!!

Okay so I decided to try something a bit different. I know this has nothing to do with me living with Rheumatoid Arthritis but BECAUSE I have this nasty disease, I have more time to "lay around reading all day" as somebody once said. Ahem, that somebody shall remain nameless. *Sheepish grin*

So, without much further ado, I will give you my first, of what I hope to be many, book review. Now, some may be wondering what qualifications I have to give such suggestions? Well, the answer would be simply this: none. Nada. I have no professional qualifications. I have no fancy degree. I have no legitimate critical skills to make such suggestions. I do, however, have weird, and what some may consider eclectic, taste in literature. I was an English Literature major in college (only 16 credits shy of my Bachelor's degree at Gonzaga University). And I have had a love of reading since, umm well, since I could read!! So there you have it. You can either choose to read on (if you deem me so qualified) or quit now (and NEVER know what you are missing). Your choice. I will sit here and wait while you decide.

Doop die do.



*Nails tapping*



Hmmm-hmmm-hmmmm.




What? Oh, okay, then let's begin! (Good choice!)

I was watching the telly the other day and saw a movie trailer for an upcoming film called "One Day" featuring Anne Hathaway (Disney's Darling) and Jim Sturgess (the yummy lad who plays Jude in "Across the Universe," one of my favorite films). Immediately upon watching the trailer, I was hooked. So off to Amazon.com to order the book, and two painful days later (thanks to my Amazon Prime membership, I get free two-day shipping), I was nestled with my novel, ready to begin the twenty year journey of a boy and a girl, who could never get their timing, quite right.

"One Day" (written by David Nicholls, a British author of both novels and screenplays) begins in Scotland July 15, 1988 with protagonists, Emma and Dexter. Two classmates from Edinburgh College on the day of their commencement, anxiously (and a tad neurotically) awaiting the beginning of their lives, who meet for the first time and share one life changing night. A night that will begin their journey, together and apart, of life and all its ups and downs that so many of us have experienced. This one day of a chance meeting changes their path creating one of the most exquisite loves stories of our time.

Nicholls delicately vacillates between romance and friendship, allowing Emma and Dexter to struggle to find not only themselves, but each other, through the course of twenty years. Each chapter is one day (July 15) of each consecutive year. They are but a mere glance at where Emma and Dexter have landed whether it be working as a waitress at a cheeky Mexican Restaurant or traveling from one country to the next not knowing what direction to take your life. "One Day" tackles the questions of life such as: what do you do when you fall in love with your best friend or what chances are you willing to take for security, career, love, and friendship.

Nicholls is a grand master at the art of storytelling. His chapters are fluid and rich allowing the reader to take the journey with his characters. You love them and hate them, much like Emma and Dexter's relationship, yet find yourself rooting for them to come together in the end. Quite frankly, I couldn't stop reading.

I feel that I should leave it at that, and not give too much away. It is one of those novels that though you think you know what is going to happen, but find yourself surprised and a little shocked as the events unfold year after year. I literally could not put it down nearing the end (actually I stayed up until 2:30 in the am to finish it). It was that good.

If you are looking for a short but excellently written novel that you can loose yourself in, than this is the book for you! I think both men and women alike can appreciate this book because it deals with the emotional and physical challenges of life that we all face. I cannot recommend this book enough.

If you are interested in purchasing this book, click here to buy it from amazon.com. I should tell you that there are two versions available on amazon. One is what they are calling a "movie tie-in edition." I have no idea what the difference is, but I read the original publication (if you want to purchase the one I read). You can decide the difference.

Just DO IT!! BUY IT!!

If you do, I would love to hear your opinions on whether you enjoyed it, whether you agree or disagree with my assessment of the book. All that good stuff. After all, it makes the experience that much better if you can share it with others, right?

Thank you for allowing me to give you a reading suggestion. I hope to do this more often and perhaps include films and music as well. I will always warn you with the title of the post if it will be a review (in case you are not interested in my opinions...I have been told a time or two to keep them to myself).

Again, wishing you all good health and happy reading!

One more thing...I am anxiously awaiting the movie to come out, however with most films that derive from books, they tend to butcher them and I walk away unfulfilled and dissatisfied. I have already noticed a few changes they have made just from the trailer. Oh well, I will still watch it. It opens at a theater near you on August 19, 2011! :)

What Goes Around Comes Around...

Today on Facebook, I saw a comment from one of my younger friends entitled:

"I hate all F&#@ing cops!"

Obviously this caught my attention.

You see this friend of mine is quite young. She just turned 21 as a matter of fact and therefore, I was curious as to why she was so upset with the police force. As I read further, I found out the reason she was so upset was because she was pulled over by a police officer for failing to signal with her blinker as she was making a turn. Apparently she doesn't have insurance (which is a big no-no here in Washington). So her ticket was written for $740!! Five hundred and fifty for the failure to have proof of insurance and another hundred and ninety for failing to signal.

All I can say is that she must have argued with the police officer over this ticket because that does seem a bit excessive for failure to use a blinker. I mean, I have done that myself. It can happen. But not having insurance when it is required by law?? That is a totally different story.

You see, I can remember when I was younger and was on my own for the first time, struggling to make ends meet, robbing Peter to pay Paul. I get it. I know what it is like. But I can honestly say that I have never, NEVER gone without auto insurance. There are a few bills that you ALWAYS have to pay on time and your insurance is one of them. Or you DON'T DRIVE!! End of story. Your rent and car payment are the other two biggies that you must pay every month because you need a roof over your head and you need a car to get from A to B. (I know you don't need a car, but I grew up in rural Montana and there was no public transit system to rely on)

It is very irresponsible for anyone to drive an automobile that is uninsured. There is a reason this is a law. And there are consequences when you break the law. End of story.

So I told my father this story and he started to laugh at me. He said I sure must be getting old, because it is funny how my attitude has changed over the years. Maybe that is true. Maybe I am more of a stickler now days and now that I am more mature. But is there really anything wrong with that? At first I was offended by his comment, but the more I think about it, the more I am okay with my reaction. I guess I am just thinking of all the people and or property that she could potentially ruin if she were to crash her car being uninsured. Does she make that much money at her job that she could afford to pay for damages?? I bet not.

I really wanted to post something to her Facebook and give my opinion, but I thought how she may react and decided against it. What's worse, is her friends were sympathizing with her and recanting their "horror" stories of the "idiot" cops they came into contact with. The nerve of those police officers doing their job!!

I guess I would maybe give her a little more sympathy except, and I am not exaggerating here, this is her third post about how she was pulled over by a police officer for one infraction or another but (because she is really cute and bats her eyes) she gets off with a warning! So maybe I think she kinda had it coming. Is that harsh? Am I just being a hater to all those pretty young things out there that can bat their eye lashes or show some skin to get away with murder? Maybe. But I am a true believer in Karma. So what goes around comes around. Maybe she will learn a valuable lesson here and maybe realize that she has no business being behind a wheel of a car if it has no insurance.

But I am sure that is asking too much!

Wishing you all good health and humor. Oh, and DON'T DRIVE UNINSURED!! Just sayin'!

I to am a Stupid People

Today I found myself making an erroneous attempt at humor. I say erroneous because it went horribly wrong.

I posted this on Facebook to one of my friends who works at a Veterinary Clinic:
"Sorry about the cat bite...that bites!! Tell Dr. Carter I said that...you know how he loves those puns!! Their so punny!! :)"

Okay. Do you see my mistake?

It is a common error and one that has become one of my biggest pet peeves over the years, which makes it ironic that I would do it myself. I mean, usually, I get physically disgusted when people do this. Okay, maybe not physically (I mean it's not like I throw up or anything) but seriously, this really really bothers me.

Still haven't guessed it yet?

Well it is the common grammatical error with the words "their, there, and they're." I know for some this may seem trivial but to me, it is annoying. It is fundamental grammar; something that should have been taught and memorized when you learned to spell. There are other examples that irritate me just as much: your and you're; effect and affect; to, two, and too; it's and its; where, were, and we're (there are more, but you get my point).

But why does this bother me?

Me of all people! Me, the girl who cannot spell. The answer is simple really. It is just a stupid pet peeve that really has no basis. And on top of it, I STILL have to look up the difference between words like "empathize and sympathize" and "then and than" and sometimes I STILL use the wrong one. I know I am not perfect nor do I know everything in the world, but it for some strange reason makes me shudder when people screw up these little words.

It reminds me of one of my favorite books called " Eats, Shoots and Leaves" by: Lynn Truss, a British journalist who was sick and tired of people getting it wrong. But she is way worse than me. Truss is what I would call a grammar bully (a term which I did not pen). I have a friend, whom I love dearly, but she can be a bit like this as well. Let me clarify, that I do not think she is a grammar bully, but rather a word connoisseur and pretty much knows her stuff. You see, I would not correct someone unless I knew we had that kind of relationship that it would be a welcomed critique rather than taken with ill intentions. People like my friend and Truss are such sticklers for proper grammar that they cannot help themselves and immediately correct a person, regardless of whether they welcome the critique or not. They do not see this as demeaning or uppity, they are just simply correcting a wrong, and after all, wouldn't you want to know if you were wrong?

See the problem with this for many, and I have been one of them in the past, is that it feels like they are saying, "Hey Dumbass! Are you stupid or what?" I know they are not saying this and it's only my imagination fueling this ridiculous reaction, but all the same, that is how it comes across for many. So, I have decided, as a rule of thumb, to not correct people...unless I know for sure it will not be misunderstood. Like my friend who is the stickler, I could tell her if she made a mistake and she would not mind the correction. She WOULD, however, debate me on the issue because it would be difficult for her to believe that she is wrong and I am right!! :)

So the question therein lies, what would you do? If you saw a grammatical error such as the "there, their, and they're" debacle, would you correct them? Or would you just let it go and secretly keep a mental note of the mistake? And on the flip side, if someone does correct you if you were to make such a grammatical faux pas, would you be offended or would you welcome the correction?

Food for thought.

All I have to say is that I am not afraid to correct myself, which I did (on Facebook) and I drew attention to the fact that I too am wrong sometimes and we all make mistakes, so we need to just GET OVER IT!! Right?

Hmmmm. I suppose that is easier said than done!

Wishing you all good health and humor!

Beyond the Blue Horizon...

Yesterday my (not so favorite) nurse came to the house to examine my wound. She is a specialty nurse because she deals mainly with special cases and wounds such as mine. I guess I just called myself a special case. Hmmm.

Anywho, she decided to put this foam like spongy stuff in my wound that is bright Royal Blue! It apparently contains a dye (thus the vibrant color) that is antimicrobial but it also promotes tissue growth and healing. She said we will try it for two weeks and at the end of that period, then evaluate if it made any difference. I am keeping my fingers crossed and hoping, of course, that I do not turn into a smurf!!

In honor of things blue I have decided to put together a few facts that have to do with being BLUE!

1. The color Blue is my favorite color or hue. I love all shades of blue: turquoise, robin egg, sky, powder, royal, sapphire, indigo, teal, baby, navy, heather, aqua, azure, cerulean, cobalt, cornflower, cyan, electric, indigo, ultramarine, pacific.
2. The English word "blue" comes from the French word "bleu".
3. It is one of the primary colors. The other primary colors are red and yellow.
4. It is generally stereotyped to the male gender. Pink is for girls!
5. One of my favorite foods is BLUEberries, which FYI are very good for you!
6. The Democratic Party color is blue. Need I say more?
7. I love Bleu Cheese Dressing! YUM! Add some hot wings equals happiness!
8. My eyes are blue. Well, blue with brown flecks in the center. That's why I tell people I am only partially "full of shit"!
9. A blue moon is defined as the second full moon in a calendar month. The last recorded blue moon was on December 31, 2010. I tried to view it, but I live in the Pacific Northwest and therefore the forecast called for clouds, clouds, and more clouds!
10. All babies are born with blue eyes. Within their first year of life, their eyes will change color to their permanent shade (i.e. blue, brown, green, hazel, etc)
11. People use the term "being blue" to mean being depressed or down. Something I have been lately, but not today!! Feeling pretty good today...mentally that is.
12. Blue is associated with things that are freezing or cold, but the flame from fire is actually blue...weird.

Okay, enough with the random trivia, which I am sure most of you already knew. Just a quirky posting that I felt like sharing!

I will be sure to let ya'll know if the blue spongy thing works! Here's hoping!

Wishing you all good humor and health!

Broken Lady...

Good News! I am still broken!

Okay, okay, I know that is not good news per say, however, it does explain why I cannot walk without excruciating pain and things are still not right after nine months from my initial surgery.

Hold up. I think I am getting ahead of myself.

Okay, so last post I caught you up to date with my progress (or lack thereof) with my broken hip and me trying to get a second opinion. Well folks, it only took me sending me records to FOUR (Yes, I said FOUR) doctors to finally find ONE who would agree to see me. Not only that, but I actually had the appointment and the news was not so good.

So when my doctor, Dr. Dumbass (that is what I like to call my first orthopedic surgeon for obvious reasons), told me that I had a non-displaced femoral neck fracture last July, he said the only course of treatment was to pin it so that it remained together because he told me that if it broke apart than I would need a total hip replacement and at my age, this was not optimal because hip replacements only last for so long and I would need to have it done again in 10 to 15 years. So, like a dumbass (okay I know I have reserved that for his name but you will see why I too deserve this title) I trusted what he said, didn't get a second opinion and had the pinning surgery.

I was stupid.

Last week I went to my new Orthopedic Surgeon (Praise the Lord!) who incidentally is young and seems fairly knowledgeable (however with my last error in judgment on picking a doctor I am not sure that I am qualified to make such a decision)and the moment he pulled up my current X-ray I saw the problem.

THE GAPING HOLE IN MY FEMORAL NECK WHERE MY PINS WERE PLACED!!!

So my non-disclosed femoral neck fracture is now displaced. Broken. Kaput. The dish has run away with the spoon!

Upon closer examination of my current X-Rays, there appears to be a gap (a pretty friggin BIG gap since I saw it all the way across the exam room) where my fracture was to begin with. The whole reason I went through this whole ordeal was to prevent THAT from happening.

Yep! So my hip is now worse than it was to begin with. Fabulous.

Not only that, but my new doctor is concerned that my infection has gone to the joint. So he ordered an MRI (which if you read the previous posting last July of my last MRI, you will understand why I was OH so exited to hear THAT news) and then he wants to do a needle aspiration where he will stick a needle into my hip joint and pull some fluid so they can culture it to determine if the joint itself is infected.

Doesn't that sound like a good time?

On top of all of this, one of the pins is starting to bow from the weight because Dr. Dumbass told me to walk on my leg! Correction, he couldn't understand why I wasn't able to walk on my leg without the aid of my crutches!

There are no words (well obviously there are, but I think you understand my exasperation by saying this).

I am back on non-weight bearing and have to be on my crutches 24/7. Suck.

He said if I keep putting weight on my leg, the pin will snap. Double suck.

Basically one of two things that will happen here:
A. If the joint IS infected then, he will go in and surgically remove the hardware (the three screws that the Doctor Dumbshit put in me) and the ball to my hip joint. Put in a spacer and leave it like that for six to eight weeks, put me on IV anti-biotics and then go back in and do a total hip replacement.

B. If the joint is NOT infected, then we have to wait until my wound that I have right now (and have had for the last seven months) to completely heal and THEN go in and remove the hardware and plate my femoral neck where the fracture is or do a total hip replacement.

So there you have it. Option A or B. Hmmm. What to choose, what to choose.

Oh wait, I don’t get a choice! I forgot! No, I have to wait and see if my infection has spread to my joint tissues and if not then wait for, oh, probably another six months before I can go back in and have a total hip replacement, which is apparently what I should have had in the first place!! I swear to God, if I see Doctor Dumbass in a dark alley, only one of us is coming out the other end...and it ain’t gonna be him!!

How am I doing? How am I dealing with all of this?

Well, there have been tears. There have been A LOT of curse words. But I have wonderful support in my life with my family and friends and I could never have gotten this far without each and every one of them! I am very blessed to have such wonderful people in my life who have helped me thus far and who (I can only hope and pray) will still be there for me on this long road I have ahead.

It has been difficult to mentally grapple with all that has happened in the last couple weeks, but mostly I am scared that the outcome is so uncertain. For a control freak like me, this has become a nightmare!!

Game plan is to move forward (I Will Survive...Against All Odds)! I got rid of my old doctor (Another One Bites the Dust, Because it's Too Late to Apologize) and got a shiny new one (Baby Im a Want You)! I know I can get through this (with the Power of Love because the Bitch is Back)! (Hahaha...okay, I will stop with the song titles, but COME ON...that was pretty good.

I will keep you posted...STAY TUNED!

Wishing you all good health, humor, and healing!

Waiting Games...

***Note I am posting this on May 3, because although I wrote it in April, I realized I forgot to post it...I think I am starting to lose my mind! Who am I kidding...it was lost a LONG time ago!

I have decided that it had been entirely too long since I have updated my blog on my the goings on of my "condition" with living with RA. Since this blog is aptly titled as such, I felt it necessary to update my followers. (Kinda ridiculous really since I think my Mom and Dad are the only ones who actually read this and they know FIRST HAND how I am!)

So quick rundown...
Broke my hip and had it pinned last year in latter part of July. Check.

Was put back in hospital in September for an infection in my incision (which by the way, I knew was brewing but NO ONE would listen to me and kept telling me I was fine...oh, and when I say no one, I of course mean the idiot doctors who I kept seeing every week who insisted there was nothing wrong...right) and had three more surgeries to cut out all the dead tissue caused by said infection thus causing a hole the size of a large grapefruit in my thigh. Check.

Came home from hospital with a wound vac (yes it is a vacuum that SUCKS on your open wound...I know gross, right?) and had it on my wound until week following Christmas where it was removed due to yet another infection. Check.

Was put back in hospital, for second infection and blasted with antibiotics (subsequently killing everything in their path) only to be release five days later, minus the evil wound vac and any and all bacteria in my body (including the good stuff) Check.

Have been living the last three months W...A...I...T...I...N...G for the stupid hole that my lovely doctor created in my leg to close up. Oh, which by the way, STILL hasn't happened yet. Check and Check!

So there ya are folks. That is my story in a nutshell. Now granted, that is a highly diluted version of what I have really experienced, but I am not one to dwell in the past.

Who am I kidding. Okay, generally, I AM one to dwell in the past, but for this case in point, I am not dwelling. There is no point. I could tell you that about all the trouble I have had with getting the insurance company to cover a procedure that would have potentially healed my wound within weeks rather than the months I have been waiting. I could tell you how I have struggled to get a second opinion in this stupid town where there is apparently a Good ol' boys Club in the world of Orthopedic Surgeons and therefore NO ONE will take my case nor give me a second opinion. I suppose I could even tell you about how after nine months post op from the original surgery I STILL cannot walk on my leg without pain and there are days when I can't even put ANY weight on it.

No, my friends, that would be just complaining and I am trying my damnedest to stay positive and basically not cry. Yep. I have reached the point of tears with this soap opera (which is what I am calling it, because it is too ridiculous to be called anything else). SO, what is the point of me writing all of that? Well, because there is no other way to give an update to what is called my life, or what I like to refer to as my personal hell, without giving you all the dirty details.

Also, I am hoping that perhaps it will be cathartic for me to put my words to pen (er, well keyboard in this case) and therefore help me to grapple with all the shit (yes, I am resorting to a filthy curse word) that I have been going through. My mother keeps telling me that perhaps I should go and see someone (yes, like a therapist - THIS coming from the woman who thinks psychotherapy is a bunch of mumbo-jumbo...oh, the irony!) hopefully to work through my feelings.

But I think she is on to something there. I have never been one to shy away from therapy. Shit, one of my BFF's is a therapist. If I had a problem with it, then we couldn't be friends because she "therapizes" me all the time, whether I ask for it or not! But I would actually LOVE to go back into therapy. Shit, I think EVERYONE can benefit from therapy. Certain people I am related to in particular, but I won't name any names (but anyone close to me knows of whom I speak and therefore you are probably smiling at the thought of the crazies in my family). No, I think it would be a great idea.

So, as soon as I hear from a doctor on my second opinion (that is, if I can even get one) then I will be searching for a therapist to join the party to hopefully help me learn better skills in dealing with the broken hip hell that I call my life!

As for my RA, it has been better. Because of the open wound I have on my leg, I am not allowed to take my RA medications because they compromise my immune system and therefore, I am not supposed to take them.

What does this mean to me? Lots of achy, swollen, red, irritated joints! Gotta love it!

Also I have been really anemic (meaning my iron levels are really low) and my Vitamin D levels are "dangerously low" according to my Rheumatologist. When she told me that I laughed. Hello, Lady, I live in the Pacific Northwest where 90% of the population is vitamin D deficient! I sit in my house all day long because I can't walk. I only leave said house for doctor's appointments or wound clinic appointments. What in the hell does she expect?

Oh, well. Once more begins to start happening in my pathetic excuse for a life, I will keep ya'll informed of the goings on! Peachy!

Wishing you all good health and humor...Lord knows I may be deficient in that as well! Kidding. Sorta.

Shhhh...we're hunting wabbits!

Here comes Peter Cottontail....Hoppin' down the bunny trail...
Hippity Hoppity...EASTERS ON IT'S WAY!!!!

Spring is in the air and the cabin fever has commenced.

Perhaps it wouldn't be so bad if I could get outside more. Wait, I guess I got out today; I went to the clinic to have my blood drawn which, by the way, they took about a gallon and the girl was a student and I became her human pin cushion.

BUT...alas, that is not the point of this story.

Where was I...oh, yeah, cabin fever, springtime, bunnies and jelly beans.

I love this time of year. The lilac trees are starting to bud, the new spring grass is pushing its way up through the waterlogged brown grass of yesteryear. Yes, this time of year is all about fresh beginnings and jelly beans.

Say What??

Yes, Jelly Beans! I love 'em and they are in abundance this time of year. Why? Because of Easter, silly rabbit! I was not sure where the whole bunny, jelly beans, Easter egg phenomenon originated from and how exactly it correlates to the death and resurrection of Christ. So I did what any bored person would do with unlimited time and an Internet connection...I surfed until I found me some answers.

Here's what I came up with:


Did you know...that female rabbits can conceive a second litter of babies while they are already pregnant with the first litter? Now THAT alone would be a reason for one to not have sex while pregnant...women of the world rejoice!

Did you know...Catholics are not supposed to eat eggs during lent? I didn't know this and I was a Catholic for the majority of my life. WTF?? That is a very weird and I have to say strange rule. Apparently that is the reason why eggs were always in an abundance around the time of Easter...because all them good Catholics were abstaining. Well, at least from eggs that is. Please...catholics are like rabbits when it comes to....HEY!! Maybe THAT is the reason they use a rabbit for their symbol!!! Hahaha!! Kidding. Seriously, though catholics do breed like rabbits so I guess one could argue that it is appropriate. Just sayin'

Did you know...on Easter Monday women had a right to strike their husbands?
Sa-WEET!! Now THIS is a tradition I can wrap my mind around. This is an old most likely pre-Christian tradition but STILL one that I say we resurrect from the dead...hahaha....get it? Resurrect?? Damn, I am witty...I crack myself up!

Did you know...in England, people cut down pussy willows and swat each other with them for good luck? I can tell you right now...if someone swatted me with a pussy willow switch, they would get more than good luck from me...they would get two black eyes!!

Did you know...Canada is the site of the largest Easter egg in the world? The Easter egg was constructed in 1975 to commemorate early Ukrainian settlements in an area east of Edmonton. It weighed 5,000 pounds, and was 25.7 feet long. Now THAT is a big chicken!!

Did you know...Most children (74%) eat the ears of their chocolate bunny first? 13% eat the feet first, and 10% eat the tails first. Okay, so riddle me this...who in the hell comes up with these statistics?? I mean seriously. And you thought I had a lot of time on my hands.


And FINALLY, did you know....that many of the red, orange, pink, and purple candy that we stuff our pouty lips with during this festive Easter time are made from dried up dead bugs? Say-what? Yep, that's right ladies and gents, as you scarf down those colorful jelly beans that we all know and love so well, you are eating the ground up carcases of dead beetles. The red food coloring, cochineal and carmine, are made from a beetle native to Central and South America called the cochineal and its innards are red when squished. So you take a boatload of these dead beetles, dry them, crush 'em, and then put 'em in your food. YUM...brings all new meaning to the word "BEETLE JUICE"!!!

So I just want to say to you all....as we see all the stores catering to all the goodies of Easter-time, go out and buy some jelly beans, dye, hide, and eat some Easter eggs, and overall, spend time with those who you love. It's a wonderful time...a time of new beginnings, a time of new birth. Enjoy it and make sure to eat the red jelly beans! YUM!!

Wishing you all good health, humor, and holidays!

Help me, help you!

I read something so troubling today.

I was on a website that deals with sufferers of RA and there was a comment section. A young girl of 16 had posted today on a thread about having RA and people around you not understanding and feeling alone. She explained that she had been diagnosed in the last year, gained over 60 pounds from the steroids, kids were teasing her at school because of her new limitations, and her family doesn't understand either and also make light of her situation. I felt so bad for this young girl and wanted to write to her, but wasn't able to post (there was something wrong with the site when I attempted, but I may try again later). I wish there was a way to take this girl aside and tell her that everything will get better and you just have to accept that there will be those in your life who will get it and those who won't and to not dwell on the latter. I have so many things that I feel I could impart to this girl, but no way to do it. Kinda bums me out.

This got me thinking again about starting a support group for people with RA. Living where I do, there is no support groups or peer groups for those of us who suffer through this disease everyday. There is also no outlet for our caregivers and loved ones who suffer right along side of us and have their own issues with the disease.

Why is that?

Why is there so much emphasis on things like alcoholics and over-eaters, but those of us who suffer from a disease that affects an estimated 1.9 million Americans and over 20 million worldwide every year? That is JUST Rheumatoid Arthritis alone, not including other types of arthritis (such as osteoarthritis, fibromyalgia, gout, Ankylosing spondylitis, juvenile arthritis, systemic lupus, Scleroderma, etc) which affect 1 in 5 Americans or 46 Million Americans every year.

With numbers like that and commercials flooding the television for the new medications available one would think that there are infinite outlets for those of us who are suffering, but you would be wrong. There isn't.

Oh sure, there are blogs and websites dealing with the disease, but nothing tangible. I think that is why I want to start a support group here where I live because with numbers like that, I would think there would be droves of people who would want a place to air their daily frustrations, ailments, and victories with this disease. I think people who suffer in silence are worse off than those who have others to commune with and suffer with. Someone you can say, "Hey, this made me feel this way" and you can say "I know what you mean" or "I felt that way too." It is not that misery loves company, but it is more about validating your feelings and knowing that you are not alone.

I am fortunate that I have wonderful parents and siblings (well a few siblings but we won't get into that) and friends who GET IT!! They understand what I am going through, or at least they try. They did what it takes to do the research and get the information so that they understand as well as they can. They may not know first hand what it feels like, but sometimes I think it is harder on them to see me in pain and suffering than it is for me. I have no idea what they go through or what compromises they have made to be in my life. They all deserve awards! But at the very least, they deserve a place to go to to talk about how they feel with other people who also go through and feel the same way.

So I am going to do it. I don't know how...but I will figure it out. I am sure there are people out there who would want to find the support and help from people out there who are just like them...just like me!

I will keep you posted as to how it goes. I hope it works out because I need it. And I know there are others out there just like me who could benefit from it too.

Wishing you all good health and humor...and appreciation to all your loved ones and caregivers...we couldn't make it another day without you!

Another Rant...

Just some observations...

1. Is it just me or does American Idol need to fire their wardrobe people?

WTF are these kids wearing?

And don't even get me started on Stephen Tyler's pink ruffled pirate top...arrgh matey! Or should I say, "Wassup there, sweet thang?" You go girl, er, boy!

Am I really that out of the loop in fashion? I know my wardrobe right now consists mostly of sweatpants and lounge pants from Old Navy, but I would like to think that I at least KNOW what is and isn't fashionable. And if that is what is in...then I am so OUT!

I don't get it. I seems like the shows on television that involve the kids of today are lost when it comes to anything cute or fashionable. For instance, there is Glee (a show which I LOVE and will gladly refer to myself as a "Gleek" for obvious reasons) and then there are shows like Gossip Girl and Hellcats that show unrealistic versions of these adult wannabe boys and girls. I was thinking Glee was unrealistic as well, but i think I may be wrong (shut up...I admit when I am wrong; it just doesn't happen that often).

Maybe the kids really are like this? Maybe they really do act and dress like they are portrayed on television. If that is the case, then LORD help us. We are in trouble!

2. I was at Walmart today and I realized why I hate that store. There is never anyone around to help you and they NEVER have any of the handicap carts available when I go there. I mean, how hard is it to figure out that perhaps you should get more if they are ALWAYS occupied and your customers are waiting around to use them. Just a thought.

3. Today is the third day in a row that I have had a headache before I have gotten ready for bed and it is getting a little old. Not sure what in the hell that is all about, but that is NOT okay. I think I have enough "other" problems, that I do not need to start throwing other ailments into the mix. Just sayin'.

4. As I fired up the old laptop a couple days ago, I see the first news story...

"Kelsey Grammer weds...again!"

I don't mean to be mean, but seriously? Have we nothing else better to talk about or discuss in this world with all the crap happening around us that out TOP news story is about a washed up sitcom star and his new flight attendant trophy wife, who happens to be younger than I am and he 26 years her senior? Really? (like we haven't heard THAT story before. A flight attendant Kelsey? What, your dog walker or massage therapist didn't do it for you?)

I for one find the news always a bit of a downer; there never seems to be any good news, but COME ON PEOPLE, I think we can find SOMETHING a bit more pressing or important than Kelsey Grammer's fourth walk down the aisle!

5. I did find something at Walmart that I think was just GENIUS!! There is a new candy bar called a "Thingamajig"...and it was YUMMY!! It is produced by the same people who make the "Whatchamacallit" and it is JUST as good, if not better! I guess that makes up for all the other bullshit today.

Chocolate always makes things better.

Well, chocolate and alcohol, but I am off the bottle, so I choose chocolate...and Chaka Khan! (That was a Bridget Jones reference, in case you were wondering).

Basically, I am not in the best mood today...so I felt it necessary to share my frustrations with you all since I have a blog...and no life! Lucky you!!

Wishing you all good health, and better humor than I am in!

It's the Little Things In Life...

Times are a changin'!

A couple nights ago I went to dinner with some friends and had a wonderful time. We have not broke bread with one another since my Happy Birthday party last July. The weekend before my personal hell started...also known as my hip surgery.

It was great. No, it was better than great. I was Fan-freakin-tastic!

THEN...

Yesterday, I was able to do the dishes. I unloaded and loaded the dishwasher. Now, I know what you are thinking..."so what?" Or maybe some of you are thinking, "why in the hell are you so excited that you did dishes yesterday?" Quite simply my reply would be on both...BECAUSE IT IS THE FIRST TIME SINCE JULY THAT I HAVE BEEN ABLE TO DO IT ON MY OWN!!!

And THAT my friends, is a BIG-freakin-Deal!!

AND THEN...

Today...I was able to clean the bathroom. Well, I couldn't do the toilet, because it is still a bit difficult and a little painful to bend over too much, and I am petrified to actually get my fat butt on the floor in fear that I may not be able to get myself back up again (we are not having a repeat of the firemen and paramedics from when I couldn't walk back in November...so embarrassing). So, Mom did the toilet, but I was able to clean the rest...it may have taken me a little longer than usual, and in all honesty, I broke a little sweat, BUT the moral of this story is the same as the previous....I DID IT ON MY OWN!!

This may seem like silly small potatoes to many of you, but to me, it is A-mazing! Over the last month I have slowly been gaining back my abilities to do "the little things in life" for myself (like my laundry and cooking) To me, it means that my pain levels are diminishing. To me, it means that I may be on the right road to recovery (that last dirt road I was on, was WAY off...I think I need to get a new GPS). To me, this means that times are a changin'!

I feel better. I am acting better. I think it is safe to say, that things are, overall, BETTER!! And THAT, my dear friends, is wonderful. All of these little things, separately are not that significant, but if you put them all together, it is a huge step in the right direction.

So, what has changed?

Well, now don't laugh. Many of you out there who know me well, know that I am not the most "religious" of people. I believe in God...I think...although I am not so keen on the Bible (that is a whole other conversation), but I tease my Mother all the time that if we need a good report from the doctor or if we want to ward off bad news, than I tell her to start praying to HER God. She questioned me once why her God was different than mine. I just told her that we seem to get better results from her God when she prays! I am a numbers girl. I work the odds. Basically, she has had a longer and much more personal relationship with her God than I have with mine.

Anyways, moving on, so as of late I have been praying every night and praying that God will send the power of healing and strength to my hip and leg. I repeat it, like a mantra, over and over (YES, in my head. I would sound crazy otherwise) and as I repeat it I envision in my mind the break in my hip (the picture from my Xrays) and I envision it healing and building calcifications around the break, something my body has yet to do until now.

Now, I am not saying that this is the only reason I am getting better...it could just be that it is time to start healing, but it is a bit coincidental that it all began once I started praying.

So what does it mean?

**(WHAT DOES IT MEAN???...hahaha...that is a personal joke for my sister)**

But what does it mean? Why am I suddenly getting better? Could it be God? Could He FINALLY be hearing my pleas? Am I really on the road to recovery??

I tend to be a little hesitant and gun shy and not want to get my hopes up in fear that it will go Bass Ackwards like last time, but I am holding on to the glimmering hope of the possibility that maybe, JUST MAYBE, I am finally getting better. I can finally start doing the dishes again. I can finally start cleaning the bathrooms again, and possibly the living rooms too. Maybe I can begin to think of having a social life again. And maybe, this nightmare is almost over.

Well, I can't answer the questions because I don't know...but I can hope. I can remain hopeful that the end is near. So my God or Mom's God...whoever is answering my prayers, all I have to say is THANK YOU!!

I will make sure to keep you posted. Fingers crossed that my reports only get better from here and I will report that I got to drive a car and do my own shopping. It will be great and I can't wait. I CAN wait to clean the cat box...that is something I hope that I never have to do again for the rest of my life, but I don't see that happening. Too bad the pins they put in my hip didn't make me allergic to cat liter of something...that would be so cool! Kidding Mom...sorta!

Wishing you all good humor and health...and happiness with the little things in life!

Happy Hour

When I was a child, some of my fondest memories are of camping with my family in Central Idaho. Those camping trips, although few in number, were much more crucial to my childhood than I had realized. Because it was there, camping with my four siblings, parents, grandparents, aunt and uncles, and several cousins, that I learned the life altering game of "Old Maid."

For those of you who may have not played this defining card game, I will briefly explain the object.

Old Maid is by design, quite elementary. Basically, you play out the game and you don't want to be the poor schmo holding the old maid card at the end. That is the black death card. The loser of all losers.

(Side note: If you want to know the true rules to the game, click here.)

Anywho, I spent countless hours playing this game with my cousins in the tent trailer, usually when we were supposed to be sleeping, and resulting in a evening of our parents yelling verbal threats to come in and spank us if we didn't go to bed. Obviously, we were not that bright, because we would require the use of a flashlight to see the cards in the dark, and come on...we were in a TENT trailer! Like our parents couldn't see us or hear us giggling. Actually, there were times when we may have gotten away with it, if it weren't for my cousin Christy!

Christy had an uncontrollable and infectious laugh. No, not a laugh, more like a giggle. And once she started, she wouldn't stop, subsequently moving us all to laughter. We got into so much trouble over the years because of her inability to stop laughing. I look back now and giggle to myself, just thinking about it. Good times.

Well it was Christy who was the worst at this game. The term poker face did not apply. If she were holding the old maid in her hand she would look straight at it, therefore telling us with her eyes which card NOT to choose. She lost so many times, giggling the whole way. I have lost myself a few times at the game over the years but never do I tire of the simplicity and pure enjoyment that I get from playing. But what we never realized as children was that we were conditioning ourselves to a predisposed social faux pas of being a single female, of a certain age and turning into an Old Maid!

Being an old maid, spinster, singleton, bachelor, unwed loner or whatever you want to call it, is quite simply, unacceptable by societies standpoint. Or is it?

It occurs to me that we single people in the world don't really have a problem with being single and unattached as much as the people who are married or partnered with someone else. It seems to me that all the pity and sad feelings of my martial status is coming not from myself but rather from those who are already in a relationship. That leads me to my next question...why?

Why are they so worried? Why are they so invested in my single status? Who are they to judge my life as incomplete or somehow less than because I am single and not paired off like in the game of Old Maid? Just because I haven't found my matching card doesn't mean my life is any less meaningful, interesting, fulfilling, or happy. On the contrary, most of the strife in my life has been when I was IN relationships! Perhaps that is because I hadn't found "the one" yet, but it could also be that maybe I am one of those people who are okay being alone. I am quite content being single, living alone, and unattached. So why is that not acceptable?

I'll tell you why. Because since I was a child, I have been conditioned by society to think that it is wrong. I have been taught that when I get older the perfect dream was getting married, having children and living in a big house with a white picket fence. THAT was supposed to be my dream. THAT was supposed to be my reality. THAT was supposed to be my happiness.

So am I going to live an unhappy life if I never marry? Will I never see my dreams come true without a mate in my life? I think it is ridiculous to assume happiness in one's life comes from being in a relationship.

For me, happiness doesn't come from your waist size, your job, the house you live in, or the car you drive. Happiness is not in the amount of money in your checkbook, the size of your wardrobe, or the toys you possess.

To me, happiness comes in the smile of my friend's baby when I turn him upside down and he giggles uncontrollably. Happiness is knowing that my friends and family are there for me through sickness and health, as I have realized these last few years being diagnosed with RA. Happiness to me is getting an unexpected email or phone call from a friend whom I may have not spoken with for a time, but it feels as if it were just yesterday that we laughed and chatted together. Happiness is looking at things through the eyes of children. Or the smell of my mom’s cooking, summer rainstorms, and getting caught in the rain. Happiness is a Peanut butter and Jelly sandwich, chocolate milkshakes, and root beer floats which make me think of my childhood...and smile. These are the things that make me happy. It is this that I measure the greatness of my life. Happiness comes in all shapes, sizes, colors, and forms. One person's happiness is just that...THEIR happiness.

Sure, I have had my challenges in life, as you know, with the Rheumatoid Arthritis and the broken hip, etc. Yes, I had to quit school, my job, move back in with my parents, and go on disability. Sure, I have been in and out of the hospital this last year and dealt with my fair share of pain and anguish, but it is NOT these things that I measure my life. It is what makes me happy that I focus on. People tell me all the time how positive and strong I am. It is only because I have so much happiness in my life that I can get through another day. I choose to focus on the positive and not the negative. I take the good with the bad and just keep rollin' with the punches. It's the only way to live!

So please don't feel bad that I am still single at 33. It is a choice not a result. I am sure that if I truly wanted to be in a relationship just so I can say that I am not alone, then I could, but see that's the problem, I am NOT alone. I have more people in my life that love and care about me (and I them) then most people in this world, and for that, I am truly greatful.

So the next time you are chatting with your single "Old Maid" friend or loved one, don't pity them because they are alone, perhaps just smile and hope that they are as happy in their life as I am in mine.

Wishing you all good health, humor, and happiness!

Oh, and sorry this was so long...everyone knows it makes me happy to talk!!

Extra, Extra, Read all about it!!

Here piggy, piggy! Suey!


Time for an update I reckon!

Went to the wound clinic today. Doc says that he is keeping me on the antibiotics until the wound is completely closed, since every time in the last five months we have taken me off, my infection tends to rear it's ugly head. Which means that I will continue to have gut rot and irritable bowels...betcha didn't need to know that did you?

We are STILL waiting to hear if my stupid insurance is going to approve the pig bladder remedy. Although I am kinda hoping that it doesn't come through because I will have to stop eating pork, and I like me some bacon. Why will I have to stop eating pork you may ask? I find it rude to have a pigs bladder put into my body and then I turn around and eat one of his friends/possible family members. So? So, you say? You're CANNIBALS...all of you!! Sick and wrong.

For those of you who have no freaking idea what the hell I am talking about...my doctor wants to put something called ECM (extra cellular matrix) which is a powder that is made from the bladders of pigs. They scrape the insides of a pig's bladder, dry it, put it into a powder form and then sprinkle it in my open wound. Gross I know, but apparently it works. It binds with my cells and tells my cells to start growing more cells and voila...new Piggy/Andi tissue!

Please keep your smart-ass comments and jokes to yourself, thank you!!

My wound has been getting much smaller as the days fly by, and my pain levels have decreased immensely. All good news. I just tend to be a bit of a pessimist and wonder when this ride will end, as it always seems to do. I still pray every night that I get better and SOON.

ME WANTS MY LIFE BACK!!

I know it will all come but like my father, I have no patience. I think perhaps I was born without it. I am NOTHING like my father actually...I mean, that man has absolutely NO patience, but I still get frustrated quite easily. I want it to be over.

My family is still caring for me and doing a wonderful job, which I cannot find a fault (not that I am looking...just sayin'). I am so ready to move out and get my place back...I am sure they feel the same, as I can't imagine it is fun to have a grown child move back in...and one that is sick to boot!

Every day I try to keep my spirits up. My RA has actually been doing fairly well, and I am hoping that stays the same. But my body seems to work like that; it can only handle one thing at a time. If I am having a flare, there are no other ailments. If I have a migraine, my joints feel fine for the day. If I am sick with a cold or flu, my RA seems to hibernate like a bear in winter. I don't get it. Its weird. Especially since I am AWESOME at multitasking!! Don't know why my body can't comply.

Well that's about it. I will try to make another update when something interesting happens, otherwise, I will just continue with my personal ramblings and rants!

Wishing you all good health and humor!!

Just Say NO...to technology!

Last night, as I was catching up with my BFF on the phone, we were talking about her kids and how THIS week, they hate her.

Apparently, my BFF decided that the kids were relying too heavily on their cell phones, laptops, IPODs, video games systems, etc. SO...she implemented some NEW RULES!!

NEW RULES...from now on, all electronic devices are to be surrendered at the door once everyone gets home, until all chores and homework is complete. THEN they can have them back until 9 p.m. at which time they must again, surrender all electronic devices until the next day.

WHAT A DRAG!!

The kids are acting as if this is a punishment. They are angry and they don't understand why Mom is being so mean! I mean, come on, how are they supposed to live?? They are not going to survive, or at least that was the basis of their argument when my BFF surprised them with the new rules.

Her youngest daughter, in what I am sure was meant to be a good point, asked her with condescension and spite, "How long did you get to talk on your cell phone when you were little?

Trying desperately not to laugh from the ridiculousness of the question, my BFF explained the "unbelievable" truths of her/our childhood...

1. There were NO cell phones

2. Our phones had cords, and it was most likely attached to the wall in the kitchen

3. Subsequently, there was NO privacy with phone conversations

4. Our televisions, before cable television, only had three or four channels

5. WE were the remote controls for our parents - if we wanted the channel changed, we got up, crossed the room, and turned the knob! (I know, I know, what in the hell is a knob! If you were richer than most, your TV had buttons, but we still had to get off our asses to change the channel!)

6. Our video games consisted of a black screen with a green ball that bounced back and forth on the screen like table tennis - it was called PONG and it was revolutionary in the advancement of technology...truly state of the art! There were no X Boxes, PS3's, or game cubes...we had to go to the arcade or the local pizza parlor to play a video game.

7. We listened to records. Okay, a record looks a little like a GIANT CD, but black and it spun 'round and 'round on this thing called a turntable(real genius name I know, but didn't want things to get too complicated).

8. If we wanted to listen to music outside out house (as the turntable was something that was unmovable and plugged into the wall) we had to carry this HUGE monstrosity called a Boom Box and it was the only way one could "carry around" their music (Cue John Cusack in "Say Anything"....God, I loved that movie).

9. Speaking of movies, we had what was called VCRs(VideoCassette Recorder) to watch movies at home. There were no quick downloads of the latest film once it was released to video. BY THE WAY, we still use that term, "released to video"; didn't you ever wonder what a "video" was?? Oh, and there was no Blockbuster, Netflix's, or Red Box. We had ONE Video Store (called "Pick a Flick") in which we had to BEG our father to rent a video for the weekend and THAT was usually a musical or a war film (do you understand now why I am the way I am now my friends?? It's not my fault).

10. There was no such thing as a portable computer or laptop. We had the first generation Apple computers with the green type on the screen and NO graphics. We also had to learn to type on a typewriter. There was no "keyboarding" back then. You learned the Qwerty system old school. Yah, baby...talk about causing some carpal tunnel!

I could go on and on, but I think you get the point.

It is truly amazing to me how much technology has changed and evolved even since I have been alive, but what is more amazing to me is how we are teaching our children to depend on this technology.

We don't exist without it.

Have you ever gone somewhere, doctor's office, DMV, government office, and if the computer "says" it isn't there, then it doesn't exist?? Like there could be no room for error. It scares me how we have become so dependant upon our gadgets, toys, and electronics. And I am MOST certainly included in that. It is actually hard to remember a time when I didn't have a computer or cellphone or whatever to infiltrate the majority of my day.

What did we do back then? How did we survive? How did we entertain ourselves?

I will tell you how...we communicated with one another: we played boardgames, sang songs, and played outside. We new the value of things and the importance of working hard to get the things you wanted in life. We were more human. We were more alive.

It is sad really. Because we are more like robots now. I guess all those futuristic movies of the eighties that seemed so far fetched were not so far off after all!

I commend my BFF for her efforts. She remembers what it meant back before all of this technology to communicate with one another. Although it may be futile, at least she is trying to instill that in her children, one laptop and cell phone taken away at a time!

Well, I will end this little rant with one more bit of sage advice. Take today to try and get away from technology. Turn off your cell phones, walk away from the computer (after you finish reading MY blog of course!), turn off the television and cable box, and unplug the MP3 player from the stereo. Tell me what you hear.

Silence. Peace. Quiet. Bliss.

Nice huh?

Wishing you all a happy and healthy day!