Story of a Hero's Pain

Thinking about medications this morning, as I struggle to swallow my morning regimen of pills prescribed by my team of doctors, I find myself pondering what it would have been like back in the day for people who suffered with RA. The study of this disease the the medications to combat it have changed significantly over the last decade or so and are continuing to change everyday. I feel lucky, as sick as THAT sounds, to have been diagnosed when I was because twenty years ago, if you were diagnosed with RA, there wasn't much that could be done but to grin and bare it.

This made me think about my journey with RA and others who are ravaged with this disease.

Three years ago in October, I woke up one morning and my life was changed forever. Sounds ominous, huh? Almost like the opening line in the newest movie trailer. But my life was no movie...oh there was drama, but nothing that would qualify as a blockbuster theatrical must-see...more like a Lifetime movie.

(Sidebar: This reminds me of a game my sister and I play. When we are on car trips we challenge one another to see who can come up with the most outrageous fictitious Lifetime Original movie title, as they can tend to be a bit preposterous sometimes. She won with "She Woke Up Pregnant." I know we shouldn't make fun as many of these dramas are based on true stories, but the Lifetime Network needs to be a bit less of a Drama Queen when promoting their films.....I'm just sayin'!)

But, as my story unfolds, in my hypothetical movie, I literally woke up one morning and was in pain. Everything hurt. I wasn't sure what was going on exactly, but I was only 29 and I hadn't done anything to warrant such pain. Every joint in my body hurt. It must have been the flu. At that time in my life, I had returned to college to finish my long overdue Bachelor's Degree at an elite college so stress was part of my daily routine, and being sick wasn't. I couldn't miss class so I wrapped my ankles and away I went...limping across campus to get to my classes. The next day, it was in both my wrists. I subsequently added ace bandages to them as well. As you can imagine, I was beginning to look like a really poorly wrapped mummy! I was limping and shuffling slowly and on the third day when I couldn't walk up the stairs to my first class (only one flight) I knew there was something not right. This wasn't the flu.

After I was diagnosed, I remember thinking that no one understood. How could they? Nobody but me knew how much pain I was in. Nobody could possibly understand how tired and fatigued I was. Nobody would or could get it! I was alone...alone and sick and in pain and sad.

My mother, God bless her, was very empathetic. Her father suffered with the disease until the day he died. He was described as one of the strongest men around, and no one wanted to mess with him. Built like the rock of Gibraltar and strong as an ox...that's what Grandma used to say about him. It makes me think about who my Grandfather was and what made him such a strong and determined man. He grew up surviving the depression with nothing but spare change in his tattered pockets, married later in life, fathered four children, and worked the majority of his adulthood in the damp darkness of a phosphate mine. I was very young when he passed and don't remember much about him other than he taught me to play cribbage, he loved to sing and play the fiddle, and was a highly irritable and severely grumpy old man.

Mom explains now that it was all the pain he was in from the RA. Apparently back then the only treatment for the disease was pain control. There were no TNF Inhibitors, DMARDS, or NSAIDS to alleviate or stop the debilitating symptoms of the disease. Grandpa took Anacin, which is apparently a combination of aspirin and caffeine. Right. Like THAT would help. I cringe at the thought. No wonder the man was in a bad mood. He was in excruciating pain with nothing to stop it. No thank you!!

So I guess I am lucky in comparison to my Grandpa who had only a daily aspirin to combat the daily symptoms of this disease: constant pain, swollen joints, severe fatigue, depression, lethargy, etc. I take close to 20 medications a day to combat my disease, and I STILL am irritable and grumpy sometimes. In my eyes, my Grandpa was an amazing warrior. He battled something that most people would never be able to do...and he did it with an Aspirin. The man was a hero. He has become one of my heroes. I could be angry and say that it is because of him that I have this disease, but rather I like to think that, because of him, I can fight this disease.

Thanks Grandpa!

Wishing you all good health and happiness!