It's the Little Things In Life...

Times are a changin'!

A couple nights ago I went to dinner with some friends and had a wonderful time. We have not broke bread with one another since my Happy Birthday party last July. The weekend before my personal hell started...also known as my hip surgery.

It was great. No, it was better than great. I was Fan-freakin-tastic!

THEN...

Yesterday, I was able to do the dishes. I unloaded and loaded the dishwasher. Now, I know what you are thinking..."so what?" Or maybe some of you are thinking, "why in the hell are you so excited that you did dishes yesterday?" Quite simply my reply would be on both...BECAUSE IT IS THE FIRST TIME SINCE JULY THAT I HAVE BEEN ABLE TO DO IT ON MY OWN!!!

And THAT my friends, is a BIG-freakin-Deal!!

AND THEN...

Today...I was able to clean the bathroom. Well, I couldn't do the toilet, because it is still a bit difficult and a little painful to bend over too much, and I am petrified to actually get my fat butt on the floor in fear that I may not be able to get myself back up again (we are not having a repeat of the firemen and paramedics from when I couldn't walk back in November...so embarrassing). So, Mom did the toilet, but I was able to clean the rest...it may have taken me a little longer than usual, and in all honesty, I broke a little sweat, BUT the moral of this story is the same as the previous....I DID IT ON MY OWN!!

This may seem like silly small potatoes to many of you, but to me, it is A-mazing! Over the last month I have slowly been gaining back my abilities to do "the little things in life" for myself (like my laundry and cooking) To me, it means that my pain levels are diminishing. To me, it means that I may be on the right road to recovery (that last dirt road I was on, was WAY off...I think I need to get a new GPS). To me, this means that times are a changin'!

I feel better. I am acting better. I think it is safe to say, that things are, overall, BETTER!! And THAT, my dear friends, is wonderful. All of these little things, separately are not that significant, but if you put them all together, it is a huge step in the right direction.

So, what has changed?

Well, now don't laugh. Many of you out there who know me well, know that I am not the most "religious" of people. I believe in God...I think...although I am not so keen on the Bible (that is a whole other conversation), but I tease my Mother all the time that if we need a good report from the doctor or if we want to ward off bad news, than I tell her to start praying to HER God. She questioned me once why her God was different than mine. I just told her that we seem to get better results from her God when she prays! I am a numbers girl. I work the odds. Basically, she has had a longer and much more personal relationship with her God than I have with mine.

Anyways, moving on, so as of late I have been praying every night and praying that God will send the power of healing and strength to my hip and leg. I repeat it, like a mantra, over and over (YES, in my head. I would sound crazy otherwise) and as I repeat it I envision in my mind the break in my hip (the picture from my Xrays) and I envision it healing and building calcifications around the break, something my body has yet to do until now.

Now, I am not saying that this is the only reason I am getting better...it could just be that it is time to start healing, but it is a bit coincidental that it all began once I started praying.

So what does it mean?

**(WHAT DOES IT MEAN???...hahaha...that is a personal joke for my sister)**

But what does it mean? Why am I suddenly getting better? Could it be God? Could He FINALLY be hearing my pleas? Am I really on the road to recovery??

I tend to be a little hesitant and gun shy and not want to get my hopes up in fear that it will go Bass Ackwards like last time, but I am holding on to the glimmering hope of the possibility that maybe, JUST MAYBE, I am finally getting better. I can finally start doing the dishes again. I can finally start cleaning the bathrooms again, and possibly the living rooms too. Maybe I can begin to think of having a social life again. And maybe, this nightmare is almost over.

Well, I can't answer the questions because I don't know...but I can hope. I can remain hopeful that the end is near. So my God or Mom's God...whoever is answering my prayers, all I have to say is THANK YOU!!

I will make sure to keep you posted. Fingers crossed that my reports only get better from here and I will report that I got to drive a car and do my own shopping. It will be great and I can't wait. I CAN wait to clean the cat box...that is something I hope that I never have to do again for the rest of my life, but I don't see that happening. Too bad the pins they put in my hip didn't make me allergic to cat liter of something...that would be so cool! Kidding Mom...sorta!

Wishing you all good humor and health...and happiness with the little things in life!

Happy Hour

When I was a child, some of my fondest memories are of camping with my family in Central Idaho. Those camping trips, although few in number, were much more crucial to my childhood than I had realized. Because it was there, camping with my four siblings, parents, grandparents, aunt and uncles, and several cousins, that I learned the life altering game of "Old Maid."

For those of you who may have not played this defining card game, I will briefly explain the object.

Old Maid is by design, quite elementary. Basically, you play out the game and you don't want to be the poor schmo holding the old maid card at the end. That is the black death card. The loser of all losers.

(Side note: If you want to know the true rules to the game, click here.)

Anywho, I spent countless hours playing this game with my cousins in the tent trailer, usually when we were supposed to be sleeping, and resulting in a evening of our parents yelling verbal threats to come in and spank us if we didn't go to bed. Obviously, we were not that bright, because we would require the use of a flashlight to see the cards in the dark, and come on...we were in a TENT trailer! Like our parents couldn't see us or hear us giggling. Actually, there were times when we may have gotten away with it, if it weren't for my cousin Christy!

Christy had an uncontrollable and infectious laugh. No, not a laugh, more like a giggle. And once she started, she wouldn't stop, subsequently moving us all to laughter. We got into so much trouble over the years because of her inability to stop laughing. I look back now and giggle to myself, just thinking about it. Good times.

Well it was Christy who was the worst at this game. The term poker face did not apply. If she were holding the old maid in her hand she would look straight at it, therefore telling us with her eyes which card NOT to choose. She lost so many times, giggling the whole way. I have lost myself a few times at the game over the years but never do I tire of the simplicity and pure enjoyment that I get from playing. But what we never realized as children was that we were conditioning ourselves to a predisposed social faux pas of being a single female, of a certain age and turning into an Old Maid!

Being an old maid, spinster, singleton, bachelor, unwed loner or whatever you want to call it, is quite simply, unacceptable by societies standpoint. Or is it?

It occurs to me that we single people in the world don't really have a problem with being single and unattached as much as the people who are married or partnered with someone else. It seems to me that all the pity and sad feelings of my martial status is coming not from myself but rather from those who are already in a relationship. That leads me to my next question...why?

Why are they so worried? Why are they so invested in my single status? Who are they to judge my life as incomplete or somehow less than because I am single and not paired off like in the game of Old Maid? Just because I haven't found my matching card doesn't mean my life is any less meaningful, interesting, fulfilling, or happy. On the contrary, most of the strife in my life has been when I was IN relationships! Perhaps that is because I hadn't found "the one" yet, but it could also be that maybe I am one of those people who are okay being alone. I am quite content being single, living alone, and unattached. So why is that not acceptable?

I'll tell you why. Because since I was a child, I have been conditioned by society to think that it is wrong. I have been taught that when I get older the perfect dream was getting married, having children and living in a big house with a white picket fence. THAT was supposed to be my dream. THAT was supposed to be my reality. THAT was supposed to be my happiness.

So am I going to live an unhappy life if I never marry? Will I never see my dreams come true without a mate in my life? I think it is ridiculous to assume happiness in one's life comes from being in a relationship.

For me, happiness doesn't come from your waist size, your job, the house you live in, or the car you drive. Happiness is not in the amount of money in your checkbook, the size of your wardrobe, or the toys you possess.

To me, happiness comes in the smile of my friend's baby when I turn him upside down and he giggles uncontrollably. Happiness is knowing that my friends and family are there for me through sickness and health, as I have realized these last few years being diagnosed with RA. Happiness to me is getting an unexpected email or phone call from a friend whom I may have not spoken with for a time, but it feels as if it were just yesterday that we laughed and chatted together. Happiness is looking at things through the eyes of children. Or the smell of my mom’s cooking, summer rainstorms, and getting caught in the rain. Happiness is a Peanut butter and Jelly sandwich, chocolate milkshakes, and root beer floats which make me think of my childhood...and smile. These are the things that make me happy. It is this that I measure the greatness of my life. Happiness comes in all shapes, sizes, colors, and forms. One person's happiness is just that...THEIR happiness.

Sure, I have had my challenges in life, as you know, with the Rheumatoid Arthritis and the broken hip, etc. Yes, I had to quit school, my job, move back in with my parents, and go on disability. Sure, I have been in and out of the hospital this last year and dealt with my fair share of pain and anguish, but it is NOT these things that I measure my life. It is what makes me happy that I focus on. People tell me all the time how positive and strong I am. It is only because I have so much happiness in my life that I can get through another day. I choose to focus on the positive and not the negative. I take the good with the bad and just keep rollin' with the punches. It's the only way to live!

So please don't feel bad that I am still single at 33. It is a choice not a result. I am sure that if I truly wanted to be in a relationship just so I can say that I am not alone, then I could, but see that's the problem, I am NOT alone. I have more people in my life that love and care about me (and I them) then most people in this world, and for that, I am truly greatful.

So the next time you are chatting with your single "Old Maid" friend or loved one, don't pity them because they are alone, perhaps just smile and hope that they are as happy in their life as I am in mine.

Wishing you all good health, humor, and happiness!

Oh, and sorry this was so long...everyone knows it makes me happy to talk!!

Extra, Extra, Read all about it!!

Here piggy, piggy! Suey!


Time for an update I reckon!

Went to the wound clinic today. Doc says that he is keeping me on the antibiotics until the wound is completely closed, since every time in the last five months we have taken me off, my infection tends to rear it's ugly head. Which means that I will continue to have gut rot and irritable bowels...betcha didn't need to know that did you?

We are STILL waiting to hear if my stupid insurance is going to approve the pig bladder remedy. Although I am kinda hoping that it doesn't come through because I will have to stop eating pork, and I like me some bacon. Why will I have to stop eating pork you may ask? I find it rude to have a pigs bladder put into my body and then I turn around and eat one of his friends/possible family members. So? So, you say? You're CANNIBALS...all of you!! Sick and wrong.

For those of you who have no freaking idea what the hell I am talking about...my doctor wants to put something called ECM (extra cellular matrix) which is a powder that is made from the bladders of pigs. They scrape the insides of a pig's bladder, dry it, put it into a powder form and then sprinkle it in my open wound. Gross I know, but apparently it works. It binds with my cells and tells my cells to start growing more cells and voila...new Piggy/Andi tissue!

Please keep your smart-ass comments and jokes to yourself, thank you!!

My wound has been getting much smaller as the days fly by, and my pain levels have decreased immensely. All good news. I just tend to be a bit of a pessimist and wonder when this ride will end, as it always seems to do. I still pray every night that I get better and SOON.

ME WANTS MY LIFE BACK!!

I know it will all come but like my father, I have no patience. I think perhaps I was born without it. I am NOTHING like my father actually...I mean, that man has absolutely NO patience, but I still get frustrated quite easily. I want it to be over.

My family is still caring for me and doing a wonderful job, which I cannot find a fault (not that I am looking...just sayin'). I am so ready to move out and get my place back...I am sure they feel the same, as I can't imagine it is fun to have a grown child move back in...and one that is sick to boot!

Every day I try to keep my spirits up. My RA has actually been doing fairly well, and I am hoping that stays the same. But my body seems to work like that; it can only handle one thing at a time. If I am having a flare, there are no other ailments. If I have a migraine, my joints feel fine for the day. If I am sick with a cold or flu, my RA seems to hibernate like a bear in winter. I don't get it. Its weird. Especially since I am AWESOME at multitasking!! Don't know why my body can't comply.

Well that's about it. I will try to make another update when something interesting happens, otherwise, I will just continue with my personal ramblings and rants!

Wishing you all good health and humor!!

Just Say NO...to technology!

Last night, as I was catching up with my BFF on the phone, we were talking about her kids and how THIS week, they hate her.

Apparently, my BFF decided that the kids were relying too heavily on their cell phones, laptops, IPODs, video games systems, etc. SO...she implemented some NEW RULES!!

NEW RULES...from now on, all electronic devices are to be surrendered at the door once everyone gets home, until all chores and homework is complete. THEN they can have them back until 9 p.m. at which time they must again, surrender all electronic devices until the next day.

WHAT A DRAG!!

The kids are acting as if this is a punishment. They are angry and they don't understand why Mom is being so mean! I mean, come on, how are they supposed to live?? They are not going to survive, or at least that was the basis of their argument when my BFF surprised them with the new rules.

Her youngest daughter, in what I am sure was meant to be a good point, asked her with condescension and spite, "How long did you get to talk on your cell phone when you were little?

Trying desperately not to laugh from the ridiculousness of the question, my BFF explained the "unbelievable" truths of her/our childhood...

1. There were NO cell phones

2. Our phones had cords, and it was most likely attached to the wall in the kitchen

3. Subsequently, there was NO privacy with phone conversations

4. Our televisions, before cable television, only had three or four channels

5. WE were the remote controls for our parents - if we wanted the channel changed, we got up, crossed the room, and turned the knob! (I know, I know, what in the hell is a knob! If you were richer than most, your TV had buttons, but we still had to get off our asses to change the channel!)

6. Our video games consisted of a black screen with a green ball that bounced back and forth on the screen like table tennis - it was called PONG and it was revolutionary in the advancement of technology...truly state of the art! There were no X Boxes, PS3's, or game cubes...we had to go to the arcade or the local pizza parlor to play a video game.

7. We listened to records. Okay, a record looks a little like a GIANT CD, but black and it spun 'round and 'round on this thing called a turntable(real genius name I know, but didn't want things to get too complicated).

8. If we wanted to listen to music outside out house (as the turntable was something that was unmovable and plugged into the wall) we had to carry this HUGE monstrosity called a Boom Box and it was the only way one could "carry around" their music (Cue John Cusack in "Say Anything"....God, I loved that movie).

9. Speaking of movies, we had what was called VCRs(VideoCassette Recorder) to watch movies at home. There were no quick downloads of the latest film once it was released to video. BY THE WAY, we still use that term, "released to video"; didn't you ever wonder what a "video" was?? Oh, and there was no Blockbuster, Netflix's, or Red Box. We had ONE Video Store (called "Pick a Flick") in which we had to BEG our father to rent a video for the weekend and THAT was usually a musical or a war film (do you understand now why I am the way I am now my friends?? It's not my fault).

10. There was no such thing as a portable computer or laptop. We had the first generation Apple computers with the green type on the screen and NO graphics. We also had to learn to type on a typewriter. There was no "keyboarding" back then. You learned the Qwerty system old school. Yah, baby...talk about causing some carpal tunnel!

I could go on and on, but I think you get the point.

It is truly amazing to me how much technology has changed and evolved even since I have been alive, but what is more amazing to me is how we are teaching our children to depend on this technology.

We don't exist without it.

Have you ever gone somewhere, doctor's office, DMV, government office, and if the computer "says" it isn't there, then it doesn't exist?? Like there could be no room for error. It scares me how we have become so dependant upon our gadgets, toys, and electronics. And I am MOST certainly included in that. It is actually hard to remember a time when I didn't have a computer or cellphone or whatever to infiltrate the majority of my day.

What did we do back then? How did we survive? How did we entertain ourselves?

I will tell you how...we communicated with one another: we played boardgames, sang songs, and played outside. We new the value of things and the importance of working hard to get the things you wanted in life. We were more human. We were more alive.

It is sad really. Because we are more like robots now. I guess all those futuristic movies of the eighties that seemed so far fetched were not so far off after all!

I commend my BFF for her efforts. She remembers what it meant back before all of this technology to communicate with one another. Although it may be futile, at least she is trying to instill that in her children, one laptop and cell phone taken away at a time!

Well, I will end this little rant with one more bit of sage advice. Take today to try and get away from technology. Turn off your cell phones, walk away from the computer (after you finish reading MY blog of course!), turn off the television and cable box, and unplug the MP3 player from the stereo. Tell me what you hear.

Silence. Peace. Quiet. Bliss.

Nice huh?

Wishing you all a happy and healthy day!

The Importance of Mental Floss!

Today I said goodbye to a wonderful friend today who had been visiting me for the last three days. We grew up together and she now lives in the Detroit area. She had her first baby last year, whom I haven't seen since I was there for his birth, and together they braved the travel nightmares of the eastern seaboard to come for a little visit.

Why?

Because she knew it was good for my mental health.

Actually it was her wonderful husband who made the suggestion when I was back in the hospital last month. He suggested that a visit was necessary with everything that was going on with me. AND...she brought the baby!

It is amazing to me how a short "in person" visit with someone who I talk to on a somewhat regular basis on the phone, text, skype, and occasionally email, can totally make me do a 180. I have found that I am in much less pain these last few days and overall feeling pretty good. It is almost as if my visit with her healed me somewhat.

Was it the visit itself or perhaps the baby, as everyone knows I love me some babies?

Perhaps it was the break from the everyday mundane that I deal with between bandage changes, pain pills, crutches, naps, etc.

All I know, is that it was WONDERFUL for my mental health to have her visit with me. AND the greatest part is that we really didn't do ANYTHING but sit and visit, eat, play with the baby, and just be there for one another.

I love and appreciate all my friends so much, that this week has reiterated to me the importance of having them not only in my life, but actively participating in my everyday life. I have found myself isolating myself lately because I feel like crap and I can't get around very easily, and I can't drive, so I have to depend upon others to get me from A to B. But I have found that it is good for my mental health and subsequently my physical health to surround myself with the people that I love and care about and not to push them away. It is important to make time for those in my life who support me even if they live in Louisiana, Indiana, Delaware, Tennessee, Montana, Michigan, or even New England...I have loved ones all around this country who love and support me, and I need to make sure that I am involving them in my everyday life and NOT pushing them away. If there was ever a time in my life when I needed my friends, it would be now, so I need to remember that, however hard it may be. I know they want to be there for me and now is the time in my life that I must allow them and stop pushing them in the other direction.

Today, my friend went home...and I have to admit, I cried. Not because I was necessarily sad (although I was a bit blue), but more because these last few days were the first time I almost felt normal again. A feeling I haven't felt in over six months.

I felt like ME again!

And that, my friends, is a great feeling, because the ME that I am (before all of this hip crap happened) is only made possible by all of YOU!!

Thank you for being there for me and keeping me sane. My body, heart, and mind...also thank you!!

Wishing you all good health, humor, and sanity!!