Happy Hour

When I was a child, some of my fondest memories are of camping with my family in Central Idaho. Those camping trips, although few in number, were much more crucial to my childhood than I had realized. Because it was there, camping with my four siblings, parents, grandparents, aunt and uncles, and several cousins, that I learned the life altering game of "Old Maid."

For those of you who may have not played this defining card game, I will briefly explain the object.

Old Maid is by design, quite elementary. Basically, you play out the game and you don't want to be the poor schmo holding the old maid card at the end. That is the black death card. The loser of all losers.

(Side note: If you want to know the true rules to the game, click here.)

Anywho, I spent countless hours playing this game with my cousins in the tent trailer, usually when we were supposed to be sleeping, and resulting in a evening of our parents yelling verbal threats to come in and spank us if we didn't go to bed. Obviously, we were not that bright, because we would require the use of a flashlight to see the cards in the dark, and come on...we were in a TENT trailer! Like our parents couldn't see us or hear us giggling. Actually, there were times when we may have gotten away with it, if it weren't for my cousin Christy!

Christy had an uncontrollable and infectious laugh. No, not a laugh, more like a giggle. And once she started, she wouldn't stop, subsequently moving us all to laughter. We got into so much trouble over the years because of her inability to stop laughing. I look back now and giggle to myself, just thinking about it. Good times.

Well it was Christy who was the worst at this game. The term poker face did not apply. If she were holding the old maid in her hand she would look straight at it, therefore telling us with her eyes which card NOT to choose. She lost so many times, giggling the whole way. I have lost myself a few times at the game over the years but never do I tire of the simplicity and pure enjoyment that I get from playing. But what we never realized as children was that we were conditioning ourselves to a predisposed social faux pas of being a single female, of a certain age and turning into an Old Maid!

Being an old maid, spinster, singleton, bachelor, unwed loner or whatever you want to call it, is quite simply, unacceptable by societies standpoint. Or is it?

It occurs to me that we single people in the world don't really have a problem with being single and unattached as much as the people who are married or partnered with someone else. It seems to me that all the pity and sad feelings of my martial status is coming not from myself but rather from those who are already in a relationship. That leads me to my next question...why?

Why are they so worried? Why are they so invested in my single status? Who are they to judge my life as incomplete or somehow less than because I am single and not paired off like in the game of Old Maid? Just because I haven't found my matching card doesn't mean my life is any less meaningful, interesting, fulfilling, or happy. On the contrary, most of the strife in my life has been when I was IN relationships! Perhaps that is because I hadn't found "the one" yet, but it could also be that maybe I am one of those people who are okay being alone. I am quite content being single, living alone, and unattached. So why is that not acceptable?

I'll tell you why. Because since I was a child, I have been conditioned by society to think that it is wrong. I have been taught that when I get older the perfect dream was getting married, having children and living in a big house with a white picket fence. THAT was supposed to be my dream. THAT was supposed to be my reality. THAT was supposed to be my happiness.

So am I going to live an unhappy life if I never marry? Will I never see my dreams come true without a mate in my life? I think it is ridiculous to assume happiness in one's life comes from being in a relationship.

For me, happiness doesn't come from your waist size, your job, the house you live in, or the car you drive. Happiness is not in the amount of money in your checkbook, the size of your wardrobe, or the toys you possess.

To me, happiness comes in the smile of my friend's baby when I turn him upside down and he giggles uncontrollably. Happiness is knowing that my friends and family are there for me through sickness and health, as I have realized these last few years being diagnosed with RA. Happiness to me is getting an unexpected email or phone call from a friend whom I may have not spoken with for a time, but it feels as if it were just yesterday that we laughed and chatted together. Happiness is looking at things through the eyes of children. Or the smell of my mom’s cooking, summer rainstorms, and getting caught in the rain. Happiness is a Peanut butter and Jelly sandwich, chocolate milkshakes, and root beer floats which make me think of my childhood...and smile. These are the things that make me happy. It is this that I measure the greatness of my life. Happiness comes in all shapes, sizes, colors, and forms. One person's happiness is just that...THEIR happiness.

Sure, I have had my challenges in life, as you know, with the Rheumatoid Arthritis and the broken hip, etc. Yes, I had to quit school, my job, move back in with my parents, and go on disability. Sure, I have been in and out of the hospital this last year and dealt with my fair share of pain and anguish, but it is NOT these things that I measure my life. It is what makes me happy that I focus on. People tell me all the time how positive and strong I am. It is only because I have so much happiness in my life that I can get through another day. I choose to focus on the positive and not the negative. I take the good with the bad and just keep rollin' with the punches. It's the only way to live!

So please don't feel bad that I am still single at 33. It is a choice not a result. I am sure that if I truly wanted to be in a relationship just so I can say that I am not alone, then I could, but see that's the problem, I am NOT alone. I have more people in my life that love and care about me (and I them) then most people in this world, and for that, I am truly greatful.

So the next time you are chatting with your single "Old Maid" friend or loved one, don't pity them because they are alone, perhaps just smile and hope that they are as happy in their life as I am in mine.

Wishing you all good health, humor, and happiness!

Oh, and sorry this was so long...everyone knows it makes me happy to talk!!