Givin' the SMACKdown on my SNACKdown!

Thesaurus.com Entry for the word: Diet

Main Entry: diet
Part of Speech: verb
Definition: abstain from food
Synonyms: count calories, eat sparingly, fall off, fast, go without, lose weight, reduce, skinny down, slim, slim down, starve, tighten belt, watch weight
Antonyms: gorge, indulge

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My life ROCKS!!

So, my doctor decided earlier this week that I needed to have a visit with the dietitian since I have to have over 100 grams of protein each day just to replace the protein that is being SUCKED out of me from the wound vac. Not only that, but I need even more to assist my body in producing healthy cells and tissues.

It has proven itself much more difficult than I thought since, as many of you know, I am a CARB lover...true and true...me loves me some carbs! So, it is a pain in the ass to try and eat all this protein.

I have tried protein powder in milkshakes...YUCK. I have tried protein bars...DOUBLE YUCK.

So, after my bitching about how hard this was for me (come on people, I have to bitch about some things) they decided a visit from the dietitian was warranted. So she came; she conquered; and she basically told me everything I already knew.

Except ONE thing....

She told me that it is REALLY important to NOT be "dieting" or trying to lose weight while I am trying to get my wound to heal.

Doth mine ears deceive me?? Did you just say DON'T DIET??

Yippee!! Oh holy hell, there is a God.

Not only THAT, but I get to NOT diet over the holidays!! I am so excited!

Now I know what some of you may be thinking...that this does not give me license to eat everything and anything I want, BUT it does mean that I don't have to be watching my girlish figure over the holidays like I do EVERY year. I won't have to feel guilty when I eat a small piece of pie, or a small handful of chocolates. Nope. I am NOT supposed to deprive my body because apparently it sends the wrong messages (maybe THAT'S what I have been doing wrong all these years).

I have been on a diet or trying to lose weight since I was three years old...after thirty years, one would think I was a pro and should be a size 2. BUT if you looked at me...you would think that I was not at all good at dieting and if it were my day job, I would have been fired years ago. When the dietitian told me that I needed to maintain my current weight and not lose any for the next few months, I actually had her repeat it. My brain couldn't comprehend such lunacy. Actually, I contemplated kissing her, but didn't want to freak her out!

So, no more counting calories. No more eating sparingly or going without. No more starving myself and tightening my belt (not that I wear a belt because my layer of fat over my waist and my fat ass do a great job of keeping my pants securely in place). Nope. I am free of it. Well, at least until my wound heals that is.

Isn't this great??

I am sure you are a little jealous, but hey, if you break your hip and have surgery, go in and out of the hospital and get a bad infection and basically have the rest of your year tied down to doctors, nurses, bandage changes, wound vacs, etc, the you too can NOT diet with me!

Any takers?? :)

Wishing you all good health and humor...and good eats for me!!