Beyond the Blue Horizon...

Yesterday my (not so favorite) nurse came to the house to examine my wound. She is a specialty nurse because she deals mainly with special cases and wounds such as mine. I guess I just called myself a special case. Hmmm.

Anywho, she decided to put this foam like spongy stuff in my wound that is bright Royal Blue! It apparently contains a dye (thus the vibrant color) that is antimicrobial but it also promotes tissue growth and healing. She said we will try it for two weeks and at the end of that period, then evaluate if it made any difference. I am keeping my fingers crossed and hoping, of course, that I do not turn into a smurf!!

In honor of things blue I have decided to put together a few facts that have to do with being BLUE!

1. The color Blue is my favorite color or hue. I love all shades of blue: turquoise, robin egg, sky, powder, royal, sapphire, indigo, teal, baby, navy, heather, aqua, azure, cerulean, cobalt, cornflower, cyan, electric, indigo, ultramarine, pacific.
2. The English word "blue" comes from the French word "bleu".
3. It is one of the primary colors. The other primary colors are red and yellow.
4. It is generally stereotyped to the male gender. Pink is for girls!
5. One of my favorite foods is BLUEberries, which FYI are very good for you!
6. The Democratic Party color is blue. Need I say more?
7. I love Bleu Cheese Dressing! YUM! Add some hot wings equals happiness!
8. My eyes are blue. Well, blue with brown flecks in the center. That's why I tell people I am only partially "full of shit"!
9. A blue moon is defined as the second full moon in a calendar month. The last recorded blue moon was on December 31, 2010. I tried to view it, but I live in the Pacific Northwest and therefore the forecast called for clouds, clouds, and more clouds!
10. All babies are born with blue eyes. Within their first year of life, their eyes will change color to their permanent shade (i.e. blue, brown, green, hazel, etc)
11. People use the term "being blue" to mean being depressed or down. Something I have been lately, but not today!! Feeling pretty good today...mentally that is.
12. Blue is associated with things that are freezing or cold, but the flame from fire is actually blue...weird.

Okay, enough with the random trivia, which I am sure most of you already knew. Just a quirky posting that I felt like sharing!

I will be sure to let ya'll know if the blue spongy thing works! Here's hoping!

Wishing you all good humor and health!

Broken Lady...

Good News! I am still broken!

Okay, okay, I know that is not good news per say, however, it does explain why I cannot walk without excruciating pain and things are still not right after nine months from my initial surgery.

Hold up. I think I am getting ahead of myself.

Okay, so last post I caught you up to date with my progress (or lack thereof) with my broken hip and me trying to get a second opinion. Well folks, it only took me sending me records to FOUR (Yes, I said FOUR) doctors to finally find ONE who would agree to see me. Not only that, but I actually had the appointment and the news was not so good.

So when my doctor, Dr. Dumbass (that is what I like to call my first orthopedic surgeon for obvious reasons), told me that I had a non-displaced femoral neck fracture last July, he said the only course of treatment was to pin it so that it remained together because he told me that if it broke apart than I would need a total hip replacement and at my age, this was not optimal because hip replacements only last for so long and I would need to have it done again in 10 to 15 years. So, like a dumbass (okay I know I have reserved that for his name but you will see why I too deserve this title) I trusted what he said, didn't get a second opinion and had the pinning surgery.

I was stupid.

Last week I went to my new Orthopedic Surgeon (Praise the Lord!) who incidentally is young and seems fairly knowledgeable (however with my last error in judgment on picking a doctor I am not sure that I am qualified to make such a decision)and the moment he pulled up my current X-ray I saw the problem.

THE GAPING HOLE IN MY FEMORAL NECK WHERE MY PINS WERE PLACED!!!

So my non-disclosed femoral neck fracture is now displaced. Broken. Kaput. The dish has run away with the spoon!

Upon closer examination of my current X-Rays, there appears to be a gap (a pretty friggin BIG gap since I saw it all the way across the exam room) where my fracture was to begin with. The whole reason I went through this whole ordeal was to prevent THAT from happening.

Yep! So my hip is now worse than it was to begin with. Fabulous.

Not only that, but my new doctor is concerned that my infection has gone to the joint. So he ordered an MRI (which if you read the previous posting last July of my last MRI, you will understand why I was OH so exited to hear THAT news) and then he wants to do a needle aspiration where he will stick a needle into my hip joint and pull some fluid so they can culture it to determine if the joint itself is infected.

Doesn't that sound like a good time?

On top of all of this, one of the pins is starting to bow from the weight because Dr. Dumbass told me to walk on my leg! Correction, he couldn't understand why I wasn't able to walk on my leg without the aid of my crutches!

There are no words (well obviously there are, but I think you understand my exasperation by saying this).

I am back on non-weight bearing and have to be on my crutches 24/7. Suck.

He said if I keep putting weight on my leg, the pin will snap. Double suck.

Basically one of two things that will happen here:
A. If the joint IS infected then, he will go in and surgically remove the hardware (the three screws that the Doctor Dumbshit put in me) and the ball to my hip joint. Put in a spacer and leave it like that for six to eight weeks, put me on IV anti-biotics and then go back in and do a total hip replacement.

B. If the joint is NOT infected, then we have to wait until my wound that I have right now (and have had for the last seven months) to completely heal and THEN go in and remove the hardware and plate my femoral neck where the fracture is or do a total hip replacement.

So there you have it. Option A or B. Hmmm. What to choose, what to choose.

Oh wait, I don’t get a choice! I forgot! No, I have to wait and see if my infection has spread to my joint tissues and if not then wait for, oh, probably another six months before I can go back in and have a total hip replacement, which is apparently what I should have had in the first place!! I swear to God, if I see Doctor Dumbass in a dark alley, only one of us is coming out the other end...and it ain’t gonna be him!!

How am I doing? How am I dealing with all of this?

Well, there have been tears. There have been A LOT of curse words. But I have wonderful support in my life with my family and friends and I could never have gotten this far without each and every one of them! I am very blessed to have such wonderful people in my life who have helped me thus far and who (I can only hope and pray) will still be there for me on this long road I have ahead.

It has been difficult to mentally grapple with all that has happened in the last couple weeks, but mostly I am scared that the outcome is so uncertain. For a control freak like me, this has become a nightmare!!

Game plan is to move forward (I Will Survive...Against All Odds)! I got rid of my old doctor (Another One Bites the Dust, Because it's Too Late to Apologize) and got a shiny new one (Baby Im a Want You)! I know I can get through this (with the Power of Love because the Bitch is Back)! (Hahaha...okay, I will stop with the song titles, but COME ON...that was pretty good.

I will keep you posted...STAY TUNED!

Wishing you all good health, humor, and healing!

Waiting Games...

***Note I am posting this on May 3, because although I wrote it in April, I realized I forgot to post it...I think I am starting to lose my mind! Who am I kidding...it was lost a LONG time ago!

I have decided that it had been entirely too long since I have updated my blog on my the goings on of my "condition" with living with RA. Since this blog is aptly titled as such, I felt it necessary to update my followers. (Kinda ridiculous really since I think my Mom and Dad are the only ones who actually read this and they know FIRST HAND how I am!)

So quick rundown...
Broke my hip and had it pinned last year in latter part of July. Check.

Was put back in hospital in September for an infection in my incision (which by the way, I knew was brewing but NO ONE would listen to me and kept telling me I was fine...oh, and when I say no one, I of course mean the idiot doctors who I kept seeing every week who insisted there was nothing wrong...right) and had three more surgeries to cut out all the dead tissue caused by said infection thus causing a hole the size of a large grapefruit in my thigh. Check.

Came home from hospital with a wound vac (yes it is a vacuum that SUCKS on your open wound...I know gross, right?) and had it on my wound until week following Christmas where it was removed due to yet another infection. Check.

Was put back in hospital, for second infection and blasted with antibiotics (subsequently killing everything in their path) only to be release five days later, minus the evil wound vac and any and all bacteria in my body (including the good stuff) Check.

Have been living the last three months W...A...I...T...I...N...G for the stupid hole that my lovely doctor created in my leg to close up. Oh, which by the way, STILL hasn't happened yet. Check and Check!

So there ya are folks. That is my story in a nutshell. Now granted, that is a highly diluted version of what I have really experienced, but I am not one to dwell in the past.

Who am I kidding. Okay, generally, I AM one to dwell in the past, but for this case in point, I am not dwelling. There is no point. I could tell you that about all the trouble I have had with getting the insurance company to cover a procedure that would have potentially healed my wound within weeks rather than the months I have been waiting. I could tell you how I have struggled to get a second opinion in this stupid town where there is apparently a Good ol' boys Club in the world of Orthopedic Surgeons and therefore NO ONE will take my case nor give me a second opinion. I suppose I could even tell you about how after nine months post op from the original surgery I STILL cannot walk on my leg without pain and there are days when I can't even put ANY weight on it.

No, my friends, that would be just complaining and I am trying my damnedest to stay positive and basically not cry. Yep. I have reached the point of tears with this soap opera (which is what I am calling it, because it is too ridiculous to be called anything else). SO, what is the point of me writing all of that? Well, because there is no other way to give an update to what is called my life, or what I like to refer to as my personal hell, without giving you all the dirty details.

Also, I am hoping that perhaps it will be cathartic for me to put my words to pen (er, well keyboard in this case) and therefore help me to grapple with all the shit (yes, I am resorting to a filthy curse word) that I have been going through. My mother keeps telling me that perhaps I should go and see someone (yes, like a therapist - THIS coming from the woman who thinks psychotherapy is a bunch of mumbo-jumbo...oh, the irony!) hopefully to work through my feelings.

But I think she is on to something there. I have never been one to shy away from therapy. Shit, one of my BFF's is a therapist. If I had a problem with it, then we couldn't be friends because she "therapizes" me all the time, whether I ask for it or not! But I would actually LOVE to go back into therapy. Shit, I think EVERYONE can benefit from therapy. Certain people I am related to in particular, but I won't name any names (but anyone close to me knows of whom I speak and therefore you are probably smiling at the thought of the crazies in my family). No, I think it would be a great idea.

So, as soon as I hear from a doctor on my second opinion (that is, if I can even get one) then I will be searching for a therapist to join the party to hopefully help me learn better skills in dealing with the broken hip hell that I call my life!

As for my RA, it has been better. Because of the open wound I have on my leg, I am not allowed to take my RA medications because they compromise my immune system and therefore, I am not supposed to take them.

What does this mean to me? Lots of achy, swollen, red, irritated joints! Gotta love it!

Also I have been really anemic (meaning my iron levels are really low) and my Vitamin D levels are "dangerously low" according to my Rheumatologist. When she told me that I laughed. Hello, Lady, I live in the Pacific Northwest where 90% of the population is vitamin D deficient! I sit in my house all day long because I can't walk. I only leave said house for doctor's appointments or wound clinic appointments. What in the hell does she expect?

Oh, well. Once more begins to start happening in my pathetic excuse for a life, I will keep ya'll informed of the goings on! Peachy!

Wishing you all good health and humor...Lord knows I may be deficient in that as well! Kidding. Sorta.

Shhhh...we're hunting wabbits!

Here comes Peter Cottontail....Hoppin' down the bunny trail...
Hippity Hoppity...EASTERS ON IT'S WAY!!!!

Spring is in the air and the cabin fever has commenced.

Perhaps it wouldn't be so bad if I could get outside more. Wait, I guess I got out today; I went to the clinic to have my blood drawn which, by the way, they took about a gallon and the girl was a student and I became her human pin cushion.

BUT...alas, that is not the point of this story.

Where was I...oh, yeah, cabin fever, springtime, bunnies and jelly beans.

I love this time of year. The lilac trees are starting to bud, the new spring grass is pushing its way up through the waterlogged brown grass of yesteryear. Yes, this time of year is all about fresh beginnings and jelly beans.

Say What??

Yes, Jelly Beans! I love 'em and they are in abundance this time of year. Why? Because of Easter, silly rabbit! I was not sure where the whole bunny, jelly beans, Easter egg phenomenon originated from and how exactly it correlates to the death and resurrection of Christ. So I did what any bored person would do with unlimited time and an Internet connection...I surfed until I found me some answers.

Here's what I came up with:


Did you know...that female rabbits can conceive a second litter of babies while they are already pregnant with the first litter? Now THAT alone would be a reason for one to not have sex while pregnant...women of the world rejoice!

Did you know...Catholics are not supposed to eat eggs during lent? I didn't know this and I was a Catholic for the majority of my life. WTF?? That is a very weird and I have to say strange rule. Apparently that is the reason why eggs were always in an abundance around the time of Easter...because all them good Catholics were abstaining. Well, at least from eggs that is. Please...catholics are like rabbits when it comes to....HEY!! Maybe THAT is the reason they use a rabbit for their symbol!!! Hahaha!! Kidding. Seriously, though catholics do breed like rabbits so I guess one could argue that it is appropriate. Just sayin'

Did you know...on Easter Monday women had a right to strike their husbands?
Sa-WEET!! Now THIS is a tradition I can wrap my mind around. This is an old most likely pre-Christian tradition but STILL one that I say we resurrect from the dead...hahaha....get it? Resurrect?? Damn, I am witty...I crack myself up!

Did you know...in England, people cut down pussy willows and swat each other with them for good luck? I can tell you right now...if someone swatted me with a pussy willow switch, they would get more than good luck from me...they would get two black eyes!!

Did you know...Canada is the site of the largest Easter egg in the world? The Easter egg was constructed in 1975 to commemorate early Ukrainian settlements in an area east of Edmonton. It weighed 5,000 pounds, and was 25.7 feet long. Now THAT is a big chicken!!

Did you know...Most children (74%) eat the ears of their chocolate bunny first? 13% eat the feet first, and 10% eat the tails first. Okay, so riddle me this...who in the hell comes up with these statistics?? I mean seriously. And you thought I had a lot of time on my hands.


And FINALLY, did you know....that many of the red, orange, pink, and purple candy that we stuff our pouty lips with during this festive Easter time are made from dried up dead bugs? Say-what? Yep, that's right ladies and gents, as you scarf down those colorful jelly beans that we all know and love so well, you are eating the ground up carcases of dead beetles. The red food coloring, cochineal and carmine, are made from a beetle native to Central and South America called the cochineal and its innards are red when squished. So you take a boatload of these dead beetles, dry them, crush 'em, and then put 'em in your food. YUM...brings all new meaning to the word "BEETLE JUICE"!!!

So I just want to say to you all....as we see all the stores catering to all the goodies of Easter-time, go out and buy some jelly beans, dye, hide, and eat some Easter eggs, and overall, spend time with those who you love. It's a wonderful time...a time of new beginnings, a time of new birth. Enjoy it and make sure to eat the red jelly beans! YUM!!

Wishing you all good health, humor, and holidays!

Help me, help you!

I read something so troubling today.

I was on a website that deals with sufferers of RA and there was a comment section. A young girl of 16 had posted today on a thread about having RA and people around you not understanding and feeling alone. She explained that she had been diagnosed in the last year, gained over 60 pounds from the steroids, kids were teasing her at school because of her new limitations, and her family doesn't understand either and also make light of her situation. I felt so bad for this young girl and wanted to write to her, but wasn't able to post (there was something wrong with the site when I attempted, but I may try again later). I wish there was a way to take this girl aside and tell her that everything will get better and you just have to accept that there will be those in your life who will get it and those who won't and to not dwell on the latter. I have so many things that I feel I could impart to this girl, but no way to do it. Kinda bums me out.

This got me thinking again about starting a support group for people with RA. Living where I do, there is no support groups or peer groups for those of us who suffer through this disease everyday. There is also no outlet for our caregivers and loved ones who suffer right along side of us and have their own issues with the disease.

Why is that?

Why is there so much emphasis on things like alcoholics and over-eaters, but those of us who suffer from a disease that affects an estimated 1.9 million Americans and over 20 million worldwide every year? That is JUST Rheumatoid Arthritis alone, not including other types of arthritis (such as osteoarthritis, fibromyalgia, gout, Ankylosing spondylitis, juvenile arthritis, systemic lupus, Scleroderma, etc) which affect 1 in 5 Americans or 46 Million Americans every year.

With numbers like that and commercials flooding the television for the new medications available one would think that there are infinite outlets for those of us who are suffering, but you would be wrong. There isn't.

Oh sure, there are blogs and websites dealing with the disease, but nothing tangible. I think that is why I want to start a support group here where I live because with numbers like that, I would think there would be droves of people who would want a place to air their daily frustrations, ailments, and victories with this disease. I think people who suffer in silence are worse off than those who have others to commune with and suffer with. Someone you can say, "Hey, this made me feel this way" and you can say "I know what you mean" or "I felt that way too." It is not that misery loves company, but it is more about validating your feelings and knowing that you are not alone.

I am fortunate that I have wonderful parents and siblings (well a few siblings but we won't get into that) and friends who GET IT!! They understand what I am going through, or at least they try. They did what it takes to do the research and get the information so that they understand as well as they can. They may not know first hand what it feels like, but sometimes I think it is harder on them to see me in pain and suffering than it is for me. I have no idea what they go through or what compromises they have made to be in my life. They all deserve awards! But at the very least, they deserve a place to go to to talk about how they feel with other people who also go through and feel the same way.

So I am going to do it. I don't know how...but I will figure it out. I am sure there are people out there who would want to find the support and help from people out there who are just like them...just like me!

I will keep you posted as to how it goes. I hope it works out because I need it. And I know there are others out there just like me who could benefit from it too.

Wishing you all good health and humor...and appreciation to all your loved ones and caregivers...we couldn't make it another day without you!

Another Rant...

Just some observations...

1. Is it just me or does American Idol need to fire their wardrobe people?

WTF are these kids wearing?

And don't even get me started on Stephen Tyler's pink ruffled pirate top...arrgh matey! Or should I say, "Wassup there, sweet thang?" You go girl, er, boy!

Am I really that out of the loop in fashion? I know my wardrobe right now consists mostly of sweatpants and lounge pants from Old Navy, but I would like to think that I at least KNOW what is and isn't fashionable. And if that is what is in...then I am so OUT!

I don't get it. I seems like the shows on television that involve the kids of today are lost when it comes to anything cute or fashionable. For instance, there is Glee (a show which I LOVE and will gladly refer to myself as a "Gleek" for obvious reasons) and then there are shows like Gossip Girl and Hellcats that show unrealistic versions of these adult wannabe boys and girls. I was thinking Glee was unrealistic as well, but i think I may be wrong (shut up...I admit when I am wrong; it just doesn't happen that often).

Maybe the kids really are like this? Maybe they really do act and dress like they are portrayed on television. If that is the case, then LORD help us. We are in trouble!

2. I was at Walmart today and I realized why I hate that store. There is never anyone around to help you and they NEVER have any of the handicap carts available when I go there. I mean, how hard is it to figure out that perhaps you should get more if they are ALWAYS occupied and your customers are waiting around to use them. Just a thought.

3. Today is the third day in a row that I have had a headache before I have gotten ready for bed and it is getting a little old. Not sure what in the hell that is all about, but that is NOT okay. I think I have enough "other" problems, that I do not need to start throwing other ailments into the mix. Just sayin'.

4. As I fired up the old laptop a couple days ago, I see the first news story...

"Kelsey Grammer weds...again!"

I don't mean to be mean, but seriously? Have we nothing else better to talk about or discuss in this world with all the crap happening around us that out TOP news story is about a washed up sitcom star and his new flight attendant trophy wife, who happens to be younger than I am and he 26 years her senior? Really? (like we haven't heard THAT story before. A flight attendant Kelsey? What, your dog walker or massage therapist didn't do it for you?)

I for one find the news always a bit of a downer; there never seems to be any good news, but COME ON PEOPLE, I think we can find SOMETHING a bit more pressing or important than Kelsey Grammer's fourth walk down the aisle!

5. I did find something at Walmart that I think was just GENIUS!! There is a new candy bar called a "Thingamajig"...and it was YUMMY!! It is produced by the same people who make the "Whatchamacallit" and it is JUST as good, if not better! I guess that makes up for all the other bullshit today.

Chocolate always makes things better.

Well, chocolate and alcohol, but I am off the bottle, so I choose chocolate...and Chaka Khan! (That was a Bridget Jones reference, in case you were wondering).

Basically, I am not in the best mood today...so I felt it necessary to share my frustrations with you all since I have a blog...and no life! Lucky you!!

Wishing you all good health, and better humor than I am in!

It's the Little Things In Life...

Times are a changin'!

A couple nights ago I went to dinner with some friends and had a wonderful time. We have not broke bread with one another since my Happy Birthday party last July. The weekend before my personal hell started...also known as my hip surgery.

It was great. No, it was better than great. I was Fan-freakin-tastic!

THEN...

Yesterday, I was able to do the dishes. I unloaded and loaded the dishwasher. Now, I know what you are thinking..."so what?" Or maybe some of you are thinking, "why in the hell are you so excited that you did dishes yesterday?" Quite simply my reply would be on both...BECAUSE IT IS THE FIRST TIME SINCE JULY THAT I HAVE BEEN ABLE TO DO IT ON MY OWN!!!

And THAT my friends, is a BIG-freakin-Deal!!

AND THEN...

Today...I was able to clean the bathroom. Well, I couldn't do the toilet, because it is still a bit difficult and a little painful to bend over too much, and I am petrified to actually get my fat butt on the floor in fear that I may not be able to get myself back up again (we are not having a repeat of the firemen and paramedics from when I couldn't walk back in November...so embarrassing). So, Mom did the toilet, but I was able to clean the rest...it may have taken me a little longer than usual, and in all honesty, I broke a little sweat, BUT the moral of this story is the same as the previous....I DID IT ON MY OWN!!

This may seem like silly small potatoes to many of you, but to me, it is A-mazing! Over the last month I have slowly been gaining back my abilities to do "the little things in life" for myself (like my laundry and cooking) To me, it means that my pain levels are diminishing. To me, it means that I may be on the right road to recovery (that last dirt road I was on, was WAY off...I think I need to get a new GPS). To me, this means that times are a changin'!

I feel better. I am acting better. I think it is safe to say, that things are, overall, BETTER!! And THAT, my dear friends, is wonderful. All of these little things, separately are not that significant, but if you put them all together, it is a huge step in the right direction.

So, what has changed?

Well, now don't laugh. Many of you out there who know me well, know that I am not the most "religious" of people. I believe in God...I think...although I am not so keen on the Bible (that is a whole other conversation), but I tease my Mother all the time that if we need a good report from the doctor or if we want to ward off bad news, than I tell her to start praying to HER God. She questioned me once why her God was different than mine. I just told her that we seem to get better results from her God when she prays! I am a numbers girl. I work the odds. Basically, she has had a longer and much more personal relationship with her God than I have with mine.

Anyways, moving on, so as of late I have been praying every night and praying that God will send the power of healing and strength to my hip and leg. I repeat it, like a mantra, over and over (YES, in my head. I would sound crazy otherwise) and as I repeat it I envision in my mind the break in my hip (the picture from my Xrays) and I envision it healing and building calcifications around the break, something my body has yet to do until now.

Now, I am not saying that this is the only reason I am getting better...it could just be that it is time to start healing, but it is a bit coincidental that it all began once I started praying.

So what does it mean?

**(WHAT DOES IT MEAN???...hahaha...that is a personal joke for my sister)**

But what does it mean? Why am I suddenly getting better? Could it be God? Could He FINALLY be hearing my pleas? Am I really on the road to recovery??

I tend to be a little hesitant and gun shy and not want to get my hopes up in fear that it will go Bass Ackwards like last time, but I am holding on to the glimmering hope of the possibility that maybe, JUST MAYBE, I am finally getting better. I can finally start doing the dishes again. I can finally start cleaning the bathrooms again, and possibly the living rooms too. Maybe I can begin to think of having a social life again. And maybe, this nightmare is almost over.

Well, I can't answer the questions because I don't know...but I can hope. I can remain hopeful that the end is near. So my God or Mom's God...whoever is answering my prayers, all I have to say is THANK YOU!!

I will make sure to keep you posted. Fingers crossed that my reports only get better from here and I will report that I got to drive a car and do my own shopping. It will be great and I can't wait. I CAN wait to clean the cat box...that is something I hope that I never have to do again for the rest of my life, but I don't see that happening. Too bad the pins they put in my hip didn't make me allergic to cat liter of something...that would be so cool! Kidding Mom...sorta!

Wishing you all good humor and health...and happiness with the little things in life!